Embrace new technology to stay in touch with family and friends

There is a fascinating old novel, “The Man Without Qualities” by Robert Musil. It is a portrait of an Austrian fellow at the turn of the 20th century when everything was changing — business, finance, industry, politics, social life, norms and values.

He was really adrift not knowing how to live in the new world, so strange to him. He had been raised with an ironclad set of ideas and norms about how to act, how to live and behave, the social hierarchy, who is important, and so on. There was suddenly a lot of upward mobility in that time of change, many new technologies, and newly wealthy “self-made” businessmen. It was confusing to him, and unacceptable.

His wife was a socialite who held a “salon” in their home inviting some of the newcomers to mix in with old friends. So he was confronted with a dilemma. He was determined not to change, and he just became an observer.

He considered the newcomers to be men “without qualities” because they didn't share his old values or live by his norms and way of life. And he thought these newcomers had no idea about the gap between their ambitions and their actual abilities.

There is a nice country-western song that goes, “You have to stand for something or you'll fall for anything.” A lot of truth in that.

But this becomes a problem in changing times when one needs to adjust some long-held ideas and habits for the new order, or learn new skills. Change keeps happening and adaptation is required if one wants to participate in the current social order. Of course we must hold onto our core values of decency, kindness, honesty, and the basics of humanitarian right and wrong.

But changing society and new communication technology requires adaptation. In early 20th century England, as portrayed in the TV series “Downton Abbey,” the arrival of electric lights and the radio (which they called the wireless) caused a big stir, and a lot of resistance and consternation.

So this brings us to today — to the internet and social media. This message is especially for many over 60, or for people with parents who are not “online.” If one wants to participate in today's communication, one must at a minimum get an email account and use it, or a cellphone (preferably a “smart” phone like an iPhone), use texting which works like a short “instant” email message sent to a cellphone number, and learn how to Google information from the internet.

Also, perhaps get an iPad which is not a full blown computer, but is portable, does what you need, and is easy to use.

The generation of our children and certainly our grandchildren hardly use email anymore, and hardly make phone calls. They use podcasts, blogs, Facebook, texting, Twitter, etc. You must be able to send text messages if you wish to communicate with most grandchildren, nieces, and nephews.

It is not hard, no real “typing” required, mostly touch or click. Don't need to understand the technology, just how to use it. Now it's all very user friendly.

So the point is — communication is important and electronic communication of some sort is needed these days for us to stay in touch with family and friends and get information.

So ...

• Get “online.”

• Let your children or grandchildren help you get set up and show you how to use it.

• If you have a parent, other relative, or friend not online, help them get there.

• This is an adaptation needed so not to become isolated. And staying in touch and not being alone is crucial for dealing successfully with grief.

• You don't have to give up reading “real” printed books or newspapers, but at least add email, texting, and an iPhone or iPad to your options.

I was reminded of all this recently when, within one week, I met several people who are not online, and each had lots of reasons why. But they are slowly cutting themselves off from fully participating in modern society. It's a good idea to reconsider!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a Ph.D. in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College, and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan/.