Reunions provide an anchor to the past

There are many sustaining events to help a person manage long-term grief, and one is "the reunion."

Reunions provide opportunities to make you feel better and reunite with old friends. Getting together with family and old friends is rewarding for most people, an anchor to the past that's still here today.

Types of reunions span from annual family reunions to high school and college reunions, and from gatherings of former work colleagues to annual group vacations.

Weddings and even funerals are types of reunions - family and friends gathered for a common purpose.

Of course there is some apprehension - it may have been many years, we are older, perhaps not so slim as we once were. But it's worth a try.

Except for our annual Khleif family reunion, I had never been to any reunion. Actually I avoided them. Maybe I was too busy, or it just seemed like an unnecessary expense, or I wasn't interested in the venue or entertainment, or wasn't ready to lose 10 lbs. to prepare myself.

All this changed after my dear husband died and I did have time to go and time to think about the past.

For instance, I went to a high school reunion up in northern Minnesota. I wondered if I'd even recognize anyone, or them me! It was, as they say, "an eye opener."

Not only did I get a chance to stay with my dear brother and sister-in-law, but I met up with two dear old friends - Jane, whom I grew up with, and Robin, who was one of my close high school friends. And I have been in touch with both ever since. We have also gotten together since, here or in Minnesota.

And it was actually fun to see that large group of old school mates at the big reunion party. My brother Nic, only one year older, went with me and he also knew lots of the people.

Recently, I went to a reunion of former colleagues from Motorola where I worked for many years. It was an informal group-lunch reunion with lots of milling about and talking. Big group. Great fun. Many of the people I worked with closely were there, including Bill Wiggenhorn, my old boss, president of Motorola University and his wife, Pat. It was rewarding to see so many old work friends. My friend Diane went with me and many people just assumed she had worked for Motorola although she never did! (It was once a huge company.)

Last August I went to a memorial gathering for my sweet brother Nic in Breezy Point, Minnesota, and it turned into a great reunion with my sister and her two grown children, Asher and Amanda; and with sister-in-law Joni and her brother and his wife. And another chance to see my old childhood friend Jane.

The day before the memorial gathering, Jane and I had a lovely lunch and afternoon together chatting at a pretty wooded patio restaurant, enjoying fresh walleyed pike (a local variety of white fish). It was all very uplifting.

And I went to our annual October Khleif family reunion in New Hampshire. So enjoyable and comforting - stayed with my dear sister-in-law and brother-in-law, Noelle and Bud, spent time with our close friend Pat, lovely in-laws Madeline and Carl, dear nephew, Jeff, and grandnephew Cameron, and several others.

Visited Baheej's gravesite. Our Khleif family plot is there. We had many fun gatherings - sightseeing on country roads amid colorful leaves, Saturday dinner at lovely country inn, Friday lobster roll lunch, Friday night Middle Eastern "smorgasbord" at Noelle and Bud's home. Kibbee, hummus, chicken shawarma, meat pies, spinach pies, many things - Noelle is an amazing cook and hostess, she even made homemade baklava. Wow!

The point is - go to those reunions: you'll like them and be surprised at the benefits you get from going. Reunions are healthy activities for holding long-term grief "at bay," and they are renewing - even if they temporarily bring up some sad memories; even if you are busy with your usual activities; even if you need to rearrange your financial priorities to attend.

The bottom line is that you will feel better and more connected with many people who matter.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a Ph.D. in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College, and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan/.