Some high school rules still apply in adulthood

We learn a lot in high school beyond the content of our course work, the math, science, English and so on. High school is where we learn the subtle, often unspoken "rules for living" that we pick up through our own experiences and by listening to and watching other people.

A good many of those rules hold true not only for our adolescence, but for our adult years as well. On the other hand, there are some things we learn about life in high school that don't have much to do with life in the adult world at all.

So as a service to this spring's graduating seniors, I want to share my thoughts on what rules they might have learned in the last few years, and which they may find useful as adults-in-the-making.

• "Brawn is more important than brains." Our culture tends to put athletes on a pedestal, nowhere more so than in high school. Jocks are often at the top of the list of "who's who" in adolescent society.

There is a lot less room on that pedestal in the real world. And because athletic success is often a function of youth, even those of us who can extend our high school prowess into college and professional sports soon find that such a road to fame and fortune is short and torturous.

We may maintain some claim to fame as weekend warriors, but we will never re-create the high of being the high school athletic superstar. We need to develop other parts of ourselves and our lives if we are to find a lifetime's worth of satisfaction and meaning.

• "It's how you look." Too true in high school; too true in the adult world as well, I'm afraid. However, one nice thing about growing up is that more and more of us do eventually realize as we get older that it's what's inside that really counts.

• "It's who you know." This one is still true, too. And for good reason. The world is incredibly complicated. We simply can't go it alone, so we build a circle of people we can trust and depend on. We go to these people first when we need something, and we try to take care of them when we can.

As adults, we do need to be careful we know the right people. I don't mean the rich and famous and powerful, though. Often these people are best at taking care of themselves. I mean people whose values and ethics we admire, who truly care about those around them. So make friends, the right friends, and lots of them.

• "Money matters." Sure it does. It is easier to be happier with money than without. But it's not as important as we might think. In fact, the pursuit of wealth as the sole source of happiness or meaning has probably caused more misery than any other human endeavor.

• "Be all you can be." Taking our talents, interests and resources and developing ourselves - all of ourselves - to the fullest is the best way to live a life that is happy and fulfilling. Our physical, emotional, intellectual, relational and spiritual selves all deserve our fullest attention.

• "Failure is inevitable and important." I don't care how successful we were in high school, we will fail, sometimes miserably, as adults. We need to learn to accept failure as part of learning (but make sure we do learn from it). And we need to put failure in perspective. Failing in a job or relationship does not mean we are failures as humans.

• "Persistence and hard work pay off." And it still does in the adult world. In fact, a lot of people we see as successful aren't any more talented or smarter or well-connected than any of the rest of us. They just try hard and stick with it.

• "Keep your balance." Some of us fling ourselves into one pursuit after the other, riding life like a series of 30-second thrill rides. Others of us ride an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs that can drive us - and those around us - crazy. And some of us don't even bother to enter the amusement park.

The trick is to participate in life, find pleasure and meaning in life, and yet stay on track. We have to work toward a sense of balance in how we live our lives, not so routine that we cheat ourselves of all that life has to offer, nor so random that we never get anywhere, nor so frantic that we spin out of control.

• "Do unto others …" We all know the rest. Simply put, we can't go wrong if we treat other people the way we would want to be treated. Even if philosophy or theology bores us to tears, we need some guiding principle to live by. This is the best one.

Congratulations, graduates!

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."