Why we ask permission to cover funerals

As newspeople, we've all lost loved ones. We're human, after all.

We've all been to funerals.

And many of us have had to cover funerals for the Daily Herald and other publications.

Death is a certainty. So is the notion that we all want to be remembered fondly.

What is uncertain is whether we'll be welcomed when we make a phone call to a family of someone who has passed away or knock on that person's door. Having a door slammed in our face is a rarity.

Many people we come across are eager to memorialize a loved one. They view it as a chance to infect others with that person's spirit.

There are times, though, when people simply want to be left alone.

And when they tell us that, we thank them and leave. It's the neighborly thing to do.

And this is why when there is a funeral service for someone who is notable - a state trooper, a sick child we've written about, a mayor - we ask first before we go.

Our goal is not to add to the grief of the bereaved. It's to shine a light on what made that person special in life.

If family members don't want us to attend, we don't. If family members ask that we simply sit quietly in a pew and listen, that's what we do. If we're asked to keep photographers a certain distance from funeral attendees, we accede to their wishes.

If you look closely at our coverage, we ordinarily tell you in captions that the family invited us to be there.

It's the neighborly thing to do.

• Jim is managing editor of the Daily Herald