Rozner: Marlins' Dawson heartbroken over Jose Fernandez

Andre Dawson cried Sunday morning when he heard the news.

And he cried again Sunday night and Monday morning.

"It probably won't be the last time," Dawson said Monday. "It's OK to cry. It's part of the healing process."

Dawson, a special assistant to Marlins president David Samson, saw Jose Fernandez after Saturday night's game, only a few hours before the 24-year-old died in a boating accident early Sunday morning.

Dawson thinks about that, about the last words they said to one another. He thinks about Fernandez being scheduled to pitch Sunday, but that his start was moved instead to Monday, and that he probably wouldn't have been out Saturday night if he were starting the next day's game.

He thinks about a lot of things, things that don't go away quietly as the mind tries to comprehend a monumental loss.

"I was brushing my teeth Sunday morning when I heard my wife answer the phone," Dawson said. "Vanessa said, 'Really? I don't think Andre knows yet.' I knew it was bad.

"She came in and told me Jose Fernandez was killed last night in a boating accident. I said, 'What?' I looked at her funny. I couldn't understand her. 'What?' I kept saying it.

"I walked back to the bedroom to look at the bed, make sure I wasn't asleep. I wanted it to be a dream."

It was a nightmare, the worst kind of nightmare, the kind that occurs while you're awake. You don't get the relief of sitting up in bed and knowing it was just a dream.

"I talked to Jose after the game Saturday," Dawson said. "He was in the (clubhouse) kitchen. He picked up a small bowl and was filling it with Mexican casserole. We talked a bit and he ate real quick. He was out of the clubhouse fast.

"You know, I have that thought about my own son, Darius. He's 27. I talk to him about being out late and being careful and always making sure we know where he is. You worry so much.

"I talked to Jose about it, too. As a parent the last thing you ever want to think about is having to bury your own child. With Jose, he wasn't my child, but he was a part of me. I loved the kid.

"Every time we spoke he addressed me as 'Boss' or 'Sir' or 'Hall of Famer.' He never called me by my name. He was a playful guy, but he always showed me the respect he had for the game.

"On occasion I would reiterate how gifted he was and to stay on the straight and narrow because the ceiling he had was unlimited and I didn't want to see him do anything to diminish that.

"He could have been one of the best ever."

Fernandez tried three times to escape Cuba, each time winding up in jail after getting so close to Miami. He finally succeeded by sailing to Mexico and crossing into the U.S. on the Texas border at the age of 15. Five years later he was a major-league pitcher.

"Every day he talked about how much he loved this country," Dawson said. "He learned English. He became a citizen. He was so proud of that.

"He appreciated being here. He loved the opportunity he got because he was able to make his way here, and he liked being a role model and what he represented. He was becoming an icon in the Hispanic community."

As an organization, no one has wondered aloud yet how to replace a 24-year-old ace who was competing for a Cy Young Award. That conversation will have to take place at some point in the off-season as they try to pick up the pieces.

For now, the Marlins are in mourning.

"He was the life of the party," Dawson said. "He was just someone you wanted be around because he had fun and he brought enthusiasm and energy every day.

"Being so young and so talented, he knew he was destined for greatness. He welcomed whatever challenge was presented to him. He wanted to be great, and great players embrace challenge. He loved working to get better.

"He loved making his mom and grandmother proud. That mattered so much to him after everything they went through to get here.

"He wanted to please and excite people. He loved life, and it rubbed off. You wish everyone on your team was like that. You wonder how good you could be if everyone had that approach.

"You wish Jose was still around to help them find it."

Instead, there are only tears.

brozner@dailyherald.com

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