Grammar Moses: Don't feel bad, Donald, unless you do badly in debate you wanted so badly

A word of caution before I begin, Friends of Donald. I offer this column only as a piece of advice, not mockery.

The same goes for you, Friends of Hillary. I do not wish for my words to be construed as anything more than a grammar column.

With that disclaimer out of the way, Donald J. Trump has said a great many controversial things in recent days, but the one that seems to have garnered the most shock around the world is when he told a reporter from TIME: "I will absolutely do three debates. I want to debate very badly. But I have to see the conditions."

Oh, Donald. Have you misplaced your modifier?

Since Mr. Trump considers himself a strong debater, one must assume he meant to convey that he wants very badly to debate Hillary Clinton.

By moving the modifier "very badly" after "to debate" from after "wants," he shifts what "very badly" modifies.

As stated, Mr. Trump wants to do a very bad job of debating Mrs. Clinton.

I can say without hesitation that this is not what he had in mind.

Stephen Foust of Batavia wrote a letter to the editor that critiqued Mr. Trump's grammar as well as his presidential credentials.

What Stephen also requested of me, which is a different kettle of fish, is to explain the difference between "bad" and "badly."

Here is an answer in two parts:

• Trump intended to use "badly" in an adverbial sense to address the depth or severity of his desire to debate Clinton. In that sense, "badly" is the adverb to amplify the verb "want."

• You don't feel badly, unless you have little sensation in your fingers. You feel bad.

Bespoke

If you've ever gone to a tailor and been draped and measured for hours on end, you know what a bespoke suit is. It is an article of clothing made specifically for you.

You might recall a column I wrote a few months ago that discussed the ubiquity of "double down" and how its misguided overuse has rendered the term useless.

Enter Jim Farber of The New York Times, who crafted a wonderful column Friday on the tortures that are befalling "bespoke."

"Bespoke" is a British term that means custom-made. Until today, the only times I had heard the word used was in relation to suitmaking.

Mind you, I've neither the W-2 nor a consistent enough belt size to invest in such a thing.

Farber notes he's found bespoke wines, bespoke software, bespoke vacations, bespoke barbershops, bespoke insurance plans, bespoke yoga, bespoke tattoos, even bespoke medical implants.

I encountered a "bespoke" travel agent in a story today. Rest assured that word won't appear in the edited version of the piece.

My theory is that "bespoke" appeared on a word-a-day calendar and hordes of people fell in love with it at once and decided it sounded more marketable than "custom."

I suggest we leave "bespoke" to Savile Row and come up with less pretentious modifiers.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line.