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Lashing out causes more misery

I've become a fan of reruns of the medical melodrama "House." If you didn't watch this show, it features a brilliant but emotionally tortured physician who weekly confronts and conquers the most complex and compelling medical mysteries.

It is well-written, well-acted, and both suspenseful and humorous (my biased opinion). It also plays a bit to the dark side in all of us.

You see, in between feats of diagnostic daring, Dr. House is also a pretty miserable person to be around. His own inner torment (caused, we are told, by a shattered leg from a motorcycle accident and a shattered heart from a failed marriage) has left him cynical, caustic and often downright cruel.

The most common referral after a lifesaving encounter with Dr. House is to "psychological consult," where, we hope, some kind counselor will put the physically restored but now emotionally traumatized patients back together after being emotionally ripped apart by the doctor.

What makes me uncomfortable is that the people House dismembers with his razor-sharp wit are people in pain, people who are already in pieces because of the medical crises they face. Sure, these folks may not always be easy to get along with, but who is when their life is falling apart?

Of course, some attempt is made by the writers to humanize the House character. We are given an occasional glimpse of his constant physical pain and his inner emotional torment. He does have a good friend; there is also a frustrated but motherly hospital administrator who seems always ready to forgive his transgressions. And for some reason, women, including his ex-wife, find him compelling.

All in all, House would not be someone most of us would want to spend a lot of time with. And, yet, he is also someone a lot like most of us, or who we are tempted to be at times.

I think that this is the first of two unintended lessons we can take from this show. There is probably a part of all of us that would like to just let loose on the people around us, especially if our diatribes could be as well-written and humorous as those delivered by Dr. House.

Let's be honest, cruelty can be fun and funny when it is not directed our way. And every once in a while, it certainly would be satisfying to really lay into some jerk or idiot who gets in our way or just ticks us off.

The second lesson has to do with consequences of such lashing out. We might not be able to see it, but the people we dump our inner turmoil on are likely in just as much pain, if not more, than we are. They may not show it like Dr. House's victims, but no matter how rude or ignorant other people are, they hurt, too. When we give ourselves permission to "just let them have it," we add to their misery.

Come to think of it, there is a third lesson we can learn here. It sure looks to me like, once Dr. House has so wittily and cruelly taken out his unhappiness on everybody else, he is still just as unhappy.

Oh, sure, there is a moment of satisfaction when he delivers a particularly pointed put down, but it's a brief moment. House walks away no better off than when he entered the scene. Probably worse off, all things considered. He has not only added to his patients' misery, he has added to his own.

The truth is, any time we act out the worst in us, we feel worse about us.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."

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