Naperville speaker shares how to teach kids positive online behaviors

Raising kids who are bound to grow up online might seem foreign to parents whose early years came before the advent of Twitter, Snapchat, laptops and Internet access on smartphones.

But a digital citizenship expert who shared her knowledge with parents in Naperville Unit District 203 says it's not impossible for adults to model positive digital behavior and help kids develop good habits for their online personalities and electronic communications.

Devorah Heitner, founder and director of an online parenting and education resource called Raising Digital Natives, wants parents to know they don't have to understand every app under the sun to raise kids who will handle themselves cordially and civilly online. Kids naturally understand how the technology works, but they don't know what it means to grow up with so many of their pictures, activities and milestones posted for anyone to see.

"Kids need our guidance dealing with the social ramifications of growing up in such a public way," Heitner said.

As more school districts hand out one-to-one technology, giving each student a laptop or tablet to use at school and at home, Heitner said parents should strive to exemplify time management, conflict resolution and interpersonal skills to help students manage their electronic lives.

"As we continue to build on our digital learning initiative, we want to help our parents be equipped with how to support the digital learning environment at home with positive digital citizenship," said Dan Bridges, District 203 superintendent.

Developing a positive online presence as a child or teenager is about safety, civility, leaving a careful digital footprint and learning to focus, Heitner said.

Safety-wise, she said parents should advise their kids not to post personal information such as passwords, medical information, grades in school or their location.

To teach civility, parents should remind kids to treat people online how they would treat people in person - which may just be the digital age's version of the Golden Rule. Kids and teens also need to be advised that when a conversation turns tense via text, it's best to meet face-to-face instead.

"Texting is so toneless," Heitner said. "It can feel accusatory, even if it's not."

Adults seem to know this intuitively, but it might not come as common sense for young people growing up with so much instant communication via electronic means. Also unfamiliar to children of this immediate age is the idea that "it's OK to be unreachable some of the time," so Heitner said this offers another opportunity for parents to step in and tell kids it is.

Parental behavior also can help kids learn to focus when they're online. Heitner said it's best to show an example of working on one task at a time on the computer, not having multiple windows open with a handful of tabs for toggling between reading, responding to email, playing a game, chatting online and watching a video all at once.

But when all else fails in digital age parenting, Heitner advised her audience to use "just in time learning." This may be better known as the "Googling it" or YouTubeing how-to videos when in a bind. And there's nothing wrong with that, she said; online, no one is perfect.

"We don't want to teach kids that digital mistakes are a disaster and your life is over," Heitner said. "We teach kids that you're responsible for what you do and you have to make it right the best you can."

Digital tips for parents

Here are five top tips Devorah Heitner, founder and director of Raising Digital Natives, shared with parents in Naperville Unit District 203.

• Get your kids' OK before posting any of their photos on social media. That will help ingrain good decision-making with the photos they post.

• Encourage kids to create a civility policy of how they will respond to one another online and by text message

• Model healthy phone use habits (examples: be present with those around you; don't sleep with your phone; don't check email while in bed)

• Teach kids "it's OK to be unreachable some of the time"

• When unsure about privacy settings or the purpose of an app a child wants to use, Google it or look up a how-to video on YouTube

Source: Devorah Heitner