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How to deal with the post-holiday letdown

A number of years ago we bought our first artificial Christmas tree.

You know, the kind that comes in pieces and get put together a bit like Tinker Toys or Legos.

My then 4-year-old daughter had figured out that decorated Christmas trees meant the holidays were in full swing. And she was fascinated by the idea of her tree magically popping out of a box stored in the hall closet.

My daughter had also realized that Christmas eventually comes to an end. I was a bit taken aback, however, when one day in early January, she matter-of-factly informed me, "Well, Dad, I and Mom put Christmas back in the closet today!"

That remark has stuck with me. I've realized how much hidden truth there was to my daughter's unique logic. We do, in fact, seem to quickly put Christmas away on a back shelf once the season is past.

At its best, Christmas is a time for family gatherings, affirming friendships, warm feelings, selfless giving. We try to put aside past hurt, anger, or bitterness. We seek to open our hearts to those around us in a special way. We consider what really makes life worthwhile, what gives it purpose and meaning.

All that seems to last about two weeks, if that long. Then it's back to normal. Too often, normal is none too good.

We discover that Christmas cheer has brought only a short truce to family conflict, rather than a true peace. The old pain or anger or loneliness returns. We find our holiday generosity has barely made a dent in the poverty or hunger around us. Our life again seems to be without direction or satisfaction.

You know, the post-holiday period is one of the busiest at counseling or mental health centers. It's almost as if Christmas and New Year's ultimately brings a lot of us down more than they ever lift us up.

There are a number of ways people suggest we deal with our post-holiday blues. We are told to schedule a trip or get away weekend. Or we can get busy with a sport or class, or project.

But often such business is just another attempt to avoid what we really need to work on. If our emotional, relational, or spiritual life is in the pits, then our activity needs to be directed toward bringing some real sense of relief to these areas.

You might say we need to work on taking Christmas back out of the closet and leaving it out. The same feelings and attitudes that motivate us to care, to give, to forgive during the holidays are needed just as much (or maybe more) the rest of the year.

Such a yearlong extension of the Christmas spirit does not come easily to any of us. And there may come a time when our emotional, relational, or spiritual pain is so great that we just can't do it by ourselves.

When that happens, remember that there are people around who share your struggle. Remember, too, that there is help out there.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."

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