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Be the best? Nah, just be good enough

"Good, better, best, never let it rest, until the good is better and the better is best."

My wife and I remember growing up with this ditty. Not just growing up with it, but seeing it as a guide for pursuing our hopes, dreams and goals in life.

It doesn't work.

At least not the way we understood it. And I think the way we understood it is one of things that has gotten our American culture in trouble. We pursue excellence. Excellence in everything. Excellence in everything all at once.

Anything else is failure.

I can almost be seduced by this idea just by saying it out loud, even though I know after living a good many decades that it doesn't work as a rule for living.

Think of the corporate executive who pursues "excellence in the workplace" while neglecting her own health needs. What about the train wreck of a life many top-notch professional athletes have off the court or field or course?

Or just think about how driven many of our children can be to get the best grades, get on the elite teams, be in the "right" group, get into the premier schools, and then get the right jobs.

And how many of us are almost paralyzed by the anxiety of having to make the right decision, always do our best, and have everything go perfectly? Some of us are so overwhelmed by such "performance" anxiety that we stop trying at all.

I'd like to suggest a new standard: "good enough."

Good enough means making the best choices we can with what we know at the time and accepting that things seldom go the way we expect.

Good enough means recognizing that we can't be great, or even good, at everything we do. We need to choose "getting by" sometimes in some things so we can be good enough in other things that are more important.

Good enough means facing our anxiety and just going ahead and giving things a try without tying our very worth as a person to how things turn out.

Good enough means "settling" (there's an un-American word!) for less than what we hoped for, dreamed of, or set our sights on.

Good enough works. When we identify what is really important to us, set realistic and balanced goals, and accept disappointment, failure and settling as just part of life, we can live healthy and fulfilled.

And I guess that's good enough for me.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."

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