'Match Game?' 'What's My Line?' Buzzr brings 'em back
"Sleepy Sean hasn't slept in seven days. He's been staying up all night watching ... blank!"
The answer, Gene, is old episodes of "Match Game."
And "To Tell the Truth."
And "What's My Line?"
And even "Press Your Luck." ("No Whammy, no Whammy, STOP!")
For this I can thank Buzzr, the new TV network that picks up Game Show Network's slack.
While GSN is busy boring us with "Deal or No Deal" and reality show fodder like "Skin Wars" and "Steampunk'd," Buzzr gives us the goods: The classics that made us game show fans in the first place.
You'll see Monty Hall making deals. You'll see Bill Cullen introducing clips of funny kids on "Child's Play." You'll hear '70s-era celebs make jokes they probably wouldn't make today. Best of all, you'll see Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly and Richard Dawson, the holy trinity of game show panelists, on the still-hilarious "Match Game." (Dawson's episodes of "Family Feud" pop up, too, but you might get queasy watching him kiss every. Single. Female. Contestant.)
Find Buzzr with your digital antenna at WPWR Channel 50.4 and your Comcast cable box at No. 364, or check buzzrplay.com for more outlets.
Two excruciating hours
"Scream Queens," Fox's new horror-comedy from the creators of "American Horror Story" and "Glee," debuted Tuesday with two hours of glee-free gore and hateful people saying hateful things. Emma Roberts stars as sorority president Chanel, a Mean Girl who would make Regina George run in terror. Roberts slings hateful barbs at everyone in her path, from Jamie Lee Curtis' university dean to Lea Michele's pledge with a back brace. The show's "jokes" punch down at all their targets: black, elderly, obese, gay ... basically, anyone who doesn't look and think like Chanel.
Hope arrives in the form of Grace (Skyler Samuels), an eager Kappa Kappa Tau pledge who wants to better the sorority and honor her mother's memory. You think, "Ah, she must be the main character!" But no -- Roberts' utterly detestable Chanel is the star attraction in this tale of a serial killer who dresses as the Wallace University mascot as he kills coeds with a lawn mower in a scene that, I guess, is supposed to be funny.
"Scream Queens" is ostensibly a satire of slasher movies and college life, but the first two episodes fail to do anything that "AHS" and "Glee" do so well. (You know, basic things like scaring us, making us laugh, giving us lovable characters ... I ask for so much.)
I'll pass on future episodes of "Scream Queens," but this disappointment can't kill my enthusiasm for Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk's "American Horror Story: Hotel." The new season starring Lady Gaga begins Oct. 4 on FX.
• Sean Stangland is a Daily Herald copy editor who really hopes Buzzr starts airing old episodes of "Starcade." You can follow him on Twitter at @SeanStanglandDH.