Grammar Moses: Have you misplaced your modifier?

Don Buck of Wheaton wrote to express his dismay over the use of misplaced modifiers.

His example deals with one of the most abused modifiers in English the language.

"I only go to the store on Thursday" versus "I go to the store only on Thursday.

Unless you have a very humdrum life, or like my sister-in-law Gini you've lived in the wilderness of Alaska where the closest grocery store is 125 miles away, you probably do things on a Thursday in addition to going to the grocery store.

"I only go to the store on Thursday" suggests going to the store is your only pursuit that day.

"I go to the story only on Thursday" suggests that you don't go to the store on the other six days of the week. That seems to be the more likely scenario.

Don described a sign in the store that read: "We only sell choice beef."

I can envision the Scotch tape store, invented by "Saturday Night Live" writers, selling nothing but Scotch tape, but even a butcher shop has a variety of cuts.

Don is correct in thinking the sentence should be phrased: "We sell only choice beef."

Almost is another modifier that often is put in the wrong place.

In keeping with the butcher shop theme, compare "I almost ate the entire cow" with "I ate almost the entire cow."

With the former sentence, I could envision myself walking around that cow, stroking my chin and trying to figure out how I could eat the entire thing.

And then I probably would decide it might be advisable to start with something smaller, such as a pig.

I think you'll agree "I ate almost the entire cow" is a much uglier proposition.

I probably started with the tail and made it all the way to the neck. In this scenario, I did a lot of damage to that cow.

Simply, the modifier acts on what follows it directly.

Now for the source of much of my consternation as an editor.

When you open a sentence with a phrase, whatever that phrase refers to should come directly after the comma.

Because of her criminal past, which includes convictions for robbery and armed violence, Judge Josephine Prendergast was required to sentence Susan Johnson to at least 10 years in prison.

I'm sure we've had judges who've had minor transgressions, but probably not for armed violence.

In the sentence the "her" in the phrase is a pronoun for the next proper noun after the comma (in this case, after the parenthetical phrase that talks about the criminal history), which is the judge. The writer apparently intended to have it modify Johnson.

To fix that, there are a couple of different ways you could write it:

Because of Susan Johnson's previous convictions for robbery and armed violence, Judge Josephine Prendergast was required to sentence her to at least 10 years in prison.

OR

Judge Josephine Prendergast was required to sentence Susan Johnson to at least 10 years in prison, because of Johnson's previous convictions for robbery and armed violence.

Fourth dimension?

When figuring out the volume of a solid, multiply the length by the width by the height.

Yes, height, not heighth. There is no such word.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is assistant vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also friend Jim on social media at facebook.com/baumannjim.