Aide who created 'Buddy Bench' for kids seeking playmates gets her own

Nancy Stolarz was a friend to all the children at Emerson Elementary School in Wheaton.

She realized, however, that not every student had a friend their age to play with at recess.

So, the longtime teacher's aide created the "Buddy Bench" - a place where kids could sit outside, signifying to other children that they were looking for a playmate.

Her colleagues say it was a fantastic idea that has been used by dozens of students.

"It goes to the heart of who she was as a person, her soul," said fourth-grade teacher Heidi Rexilius, whose classroom Stolarz worked in for four years. "She would look for the kids that didn't have the social awareness to know how to make friends. That's why this was important to her."

Stolarz died shortly after her retirement last year, but her legacy will live on through a new Buddy Bench awarded to the school through a grant. It was unveiled Thursday during a student-organized assembly.

"They did all the writing and organizing of the assembly, so it's even more meaningful," said Principal Debra Klein. "They all had a love of Nancy and wanted to honor her today."

First-grade teacher Beth Gunther wrote the grant for the bench, which has the words "Emerson Elementary Buddy Bench" printed on it in blue.

She called Stolarz a "dear friend" who she wanted to memorialize after her passing at age 63.

"She impacted so many children," Gunther said, adding that Stolarz worked at the school for 17 years. "She saw the good in even the hardest children, who were the most difficult to work with, and she believed in them."

There was lots of applause as small groups of students took turns presenting some background on the bench through a slideshow, skits and poems.

All the first- and fourth-grade students also learned a song for the ceremony, which they sang to the tune of the French children's song, "Frère Jacques."

"Buddy Bench, Buddy Bench. Here for you, here for me. You can find a new friend, I can be your new friend. Let's go play, let's go play," they sang.

Klein said she believes the bench is a "meaningful way" for the kids to remember Stolarz, "rather than a picture on the wall or something."

"Kids are always going to use it," she said.

Rexilius added that there were many ways Stolarz went above and beyond, such as coming in early to tutor kids and bringing in gently used clothing for kids in need.

"She never made them feel like they were different from the other kids and that's the mark of a great aide. She treated them each with respect," Rexilius said. "It wasn't just a job for her. It was a calling, it really was."