Constable: TV can offer escape, but NFL sadly reflects reality for shelters
For people looking to escape the hardships of reality, television can offer a respite. But with the NFL wallowing in a morass of domestic violence and child abuse accusations, tonight's "Thursday Night Football" broadcast won't be recommended viewing for the women and children abuse victims finding havens in suburban shelters.
"Like the entire nation, we've engaged in conversations about the NFL and football," says Maureen Manning-Rosenfeld, director of client services at the Community Crisis Center in Elgin.
"They may be fans (of NFL football), but they don't watch it here," Gretchen Vapnar, executive director of the center, says of the TV viewing habits of the women and children the center serves. Not watching NFL games is not a policy decision, just the reality of people working on so many things to improve their lives that the TV rarely gets turned on until the kids have gone to bed, Manning-Rosenfeld says.
As violent as the NFL game is on the field, fans now are subjected to reports about worse violence off the field. After starting the season with the viral video of Baltimore Ravens' star running back Ray Rice delivering a knockout punch to his then-fiancee and dragging her limp body out of the elevator, the NFL now must deal with equally appalling news that Minnesota Vikings' superstar running back Adrian Peterson was indicted on child abuse charges after evidence that he used a tree branch to whip his 4-year-old son.
NFL scandals don't shock people at shelters.
"Just coming to work is a constant reminder of the level of domestic and sexual violence happening in our community on a daily basis," says Michelle Meyer, executive director of Aurora-based Mutual Ground, which provides shelter, advocacy and other services. "Doctors, lawyers, police officers, construction workers, this goes on in any profession."
Victims watching tonight's NFL game might come away thinking, "Hey, it's not just happening for me," Meyer says, noting abusers span all races, religions and economic levels.
Manning-Rosenfeld says many NFL players are good boyfriends, husbands and fathers. She stopped one case of NFL-bashing during a recent counseling session for batterers.
"The whole NFL is trained to be that way," a 25-year-old man blurted. "You'd never see a preacher in the NFL."
"Guess what? I have," answered Manning-Rosenfeld, who notes that former Chicago Bears linebacker Mike Singletary is one of several ministers with NFL backgrounds. Of course, leaders in religious fields also have committed acts of domestic violence and child abuse.
Being a fan of pro football doesn't mean you support or tolerate abuse, she said.
"We have women on our staff who are Bears fans, and we do have one Green Bay Packer fan," says Manning-Rosenfeld, who adds that staffers sometimes wear NFL jerseys. "On Monday, they were so happy with that victory. It's fine that you root for your team."
Leaders in these fields have greater concerns.
"We have to change the message that it's OK to hit the people you love," Manning-Rosenfeld says. "Regardless of your anger or your stress level, it's not an acceptable means to resolve conflicts."
As inept as the NFL has proved to be in handling those issues, its woes have sparked discussions and raised awareness.
"It's helped us as a country to bring the issues forward and think about it in different ways," Manning-Rosenfeld says.
People, even some of those attending parenting sessions at the center, often justify violence against children by noting, "Well, I got whuppin's when I was little."
Colloquial terms such as "whuppin'" or "spanking" don't change the reality of a situation where "a person with more power and control gets to hit a person with less power and control," Manning-Rosenfeld says. "It's just not OK."
That video of Rice cold-cocking his fiancee "gave people pause," Manning-Rosenfeld says. "They said, 'Oh, that's what those words "domestic violence" mean.'" She says that incident also should replace the question of "Why doesn't she leave him?" with the more important question of "Why did he hit her?"
The way the NFL and teams have been dealing with these issues resulted in scoldings from some corporate sponsors and led to the hiring of some experts in abuse fields, Meyer notes.
"The NFL is a business. When it seemed it was going to negatively affect them financially, they took a different stance," Manning-Rosenfeld says. Women, many of whom buy those pink NFL jerseys, have the power as consumers, too, she adds.
Public outcry probably explains why women's pink Rice jerseys finally have disappeared from the NFL store's website. Peterson was re-suspended Wednesday, but as of the deadline for this column, the NFL still was selling Peterson's jersey for kids. "He'll show some true team spirit and some love for Minnesota Vikings No. 28, superstar Adrian Peterson, when he wears this on game day!" promises the pitch next to the $99.95 jersey. Women are encouraged to buy a pink Peterson jersey "so everyone can see that you're rooting for Adrian Peterson!"
In October, NFL players don pink shoes and ribbons to show the league's support in the fight against breast cancer. By November, the NFL really should come up with a way to support the fight against domestic violence and child abuse. Simply raising awareness by reacting to the indictments of star players isn't the way to do it.