Advice, with tongue firmly in cheek

I want to encourage Americans not to register to vote or vote. But if they do vote, remember that party label is more important than the candidate running and voters should cast a straight ticket.

Clearly, Republicans and Democrats are all the same. Don’t bother becoming informed about issues either. Instead, vote purely by a single issue. Obviously, one issue determines who the best candidate is.

Additionally, don’t attempt to learn about candidates beyond watching TV ads. Advertisements are completely true. Unlike the Internet, everything on TV is fair, factual and balanced. Also keep in mind that super PACs with endearing, patriotic names are spending millions of dollars on candidate races without disclosing their donors. This obviously means PACs are credible. If becoming informed does interest you, though, bloggers and opinion journalists are the most credible sources of information. They aren’t bound by pesky things like journalistic integrity, ethics or standards.

Finally and most importantly, after the election, don’t write to your elected officials. It’s more patriotic to offer dissent on your Facebook wall.

If you follow these steps, our nation will continue on as the vibrant Democratic system it is.

Parker Happ

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