By Becky Baudouin/A mom’s point of view: Do we just need a move in the right direction?
As far as New Year’s resolutions go, I don’t always formally write mine down, but I do keep a mental list of them running in my head. There’s the “things I should do more often” list, which includes taking my vitamins, cleaning my kitchen floor, and demonstrating more patience in my parenting. There’s also the “things I should do less often” list, including but not limited to, being in a hurry, going to bed too late, and being impatient in my parenting.
When I asked my kids recently if they make resolutions, I was somewhat surprised to hear how quickly they rattled them off, and how similar they were to grown-up resolutions. Not procrastinating (although my daughter admitted she was not fully committed to this one), eating healthier, and handling frustration better were at the top of their lists. My 5-year-old ended her rather lengthy discourse of what she would like to improve by saying, “I’m going to try to be normal.”
The more we talked about our shoulds and should nots, it sounded like what it boiled down to was “try to do better. Try to be better.” But instead of only looking at what we want to improve on, I think it’s good to identify things we might be getting right, at least part of the time, and figure out how to keep moving in that direction. What activities make us feel alive and content? Which friendships and people bring out the best in us? When did I see my kids the happiest — our family the closest — over the past year? It seems to me that lasting change often happens gradually, beginning with a change in direction and steady movement forward. Then, as we experience the benefits, we’ll naturally want to keep progressing down that path.
For years, “exercise regularly” was at the top of my New Year’s resolution list. I knew I was supposed to try to be healthier. Eat better and exercise three times a week. I would start off strong, with great intentions, but then I’d inevitably get a cold or begin a project at home, and I’d decide I was healthy enough. The truth was I hated working out, and I never persevered long enough to see any real benefits. Last year, however, things were different. For the first time in my life I started and stuck with a workout routine. It was hard at first, but I found that it released stress and diminished my chronic neck and back pain significantly. And so, I’ve continued on and it has become a permanent fixture in my schedule. I don’t do it because I’m supposed to, I do it because I feel good when I exercise and I feel bad when I don’t. It’s as simple as that.
A slogan used in Britain to boost morale during World War II has resurfaced and is showing up on items such as memo pads and chocolate bars. Maybe you’ve seen it? “Keep Calm and Carry On.” This phrase has been rolling around in my mind for weeks now, and I’m thinking that for this mom, it would make a great New Year’s slogan. When stress levels run high, it’s a good reminder: “Keep Calm and Carry On.” Perhaps a conversation didn’t go well? Try it again. Keep your cool, and keep at it. Remember the mission and don’t lose sight of the big picture. Say, “I’m sorry.” Say, “I love you, and we’ll figure this out.” Make sure you’re moving in the right direction, and calmly carry on.
Becky Baudouin lives in Arlington Heights with her husband, Bernie, and their three daughters. She blogs regularly at beckyspen.blogspot.com.