Imrem: Warriors beat Da Bulls? No way
So, an ESPN sampling of Las Vegas bookmakers predicted that the 2016-17 Golden State Warriors would beat the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls in a fantasy basketball game.
An epidemic of goofiness must be spreading through Nevada.
Not that I'm biased or anything.
Da Bulls!
This must be next: Trump, Obama, either Bush and Clinton to replace Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and T-Roosevelt on Mount Rushmore.
One problem with picking these Warriors is that as good as their offense is, that Bulls defense was better.
Dennis Rodman could guard five positions … all at once. Scottie Pippen could guard four … all at once. Michael Jordan could guard three … all at once.
That means Golden State could play 12 players against the Bulls and still not score enough to win against those three alone.
We could go into the numbers to explain why these Bulls would beat those Warriors.
The Bulls won 72 regular-season games and the NBA title. The Warriors won 67 games and are dominating the playoffs, though they still have to finish off the Cavaliers.
Does anyone believe the '96 Bulls couldn't have won every one of their postseason games if they wanted to?
Come on, of course they could have, so numbers are secondary to the eye test.
Da Bulls!
One qualifier to the equation seems to be whether the game would be played under 20th-century rules or 21st-century rules.
Theory has it that if the Bulls were allowed to use their hands on defense, the Warriors couldn't breathe heavily enough to prevail.
Conversely, if Golden State's offense could move freely, the Bulls couldn't stop it.
That's basketballderdash!
The NBA could stage the match - mismatch actually - under Marquess of Queensberry rules, Marquis de Sade rules or Marcus le Fizer rules and those Bulls would find a way to beat these Warriors.
Some observers might believe the outcome would depend on whether the game was played in Chicago, in the Bay Area or on a neutral court.
Blah-hah-phoo-phah!
The Bulls and Warriors could play here, there or anywhere … the venue could be an NBA arena, a high school gym, a playground, a park, a city alley, a suburban driveway or a rural barnyard.
Jordan, Pippen, Rodman and the rest could board a tour bus, do some sightseeing and return to the court to wallop the Warriors without changing out of their street clothes.
Da Bulls!
Look, the Warriors could empty their entire arsenal and still not beat the Bulls.
Draymond Green could revert to kicking poor souls in their private parts, but didn't Rodman invent the crotch kick?
The Warriors could inject Jordan with the flu or food poison, but isn't that usually when His Royal Airness goes off for 50 points?
Warriors coach Steve Kerr played for the '96 Bulls and knows all their secrets, but what chance does he have against Phil Jackson, a coach known as the Zenmaster?
Most of all, those Bulls had Michael Jordan, and these Warriors don't.
The Bulls might relax instead of pouring it on Golden State, but they would be able to name the final margin.
Forget the '17 Warriors … only the '27 Yankees could compete with the '96 Bulls.
Again, not that I'm biased, but this fantastic fantasy debate comes down to two words.
Da Bulls!
mimrem@dailyherald.com