The process of trying to conceive for so long brought a whole new level of awareness into my life. It was the first really difficult struggle I've ever encountered.

I started my journey as a 24-year-old near-newlywed who had never set a goal and not achieved it. I had no way of preparing myself for the emotional roller coaster that was to become my life over something I had always assumed would happen whenever I chose.

It's funny (not really) that for years I downed the pill, full of man-made hormones to replace my natural ones, because I was so afraid of getting pregnant.

And now when I wanted to get pregnant, my natural hormones were so out of whack that I was scared I had a "problem" with the possibility of no solution.

More than 8 years later, as a 32-year-old mother, I can now look back at the process and see all the reasons why I'm actually glad I went through it.

Yes, there was frustration and heartbreak - I still want to cry for that person whose feelings of devastation and failure consumed her all those months.

But without that painful process, I would never have become aware of the powers I possess to heal myself, trust my intuition, listen to my body, befriend the unknown, and choose happiness in every moment.

I feel truly blessed to have been given the time to learn all about who my True Self is - before I became a mother.

Joy and thankfulness now consume my heart as I spend my days with Ian. Through the whole process - including my struggles to conceive, my pregnancy and my natural homebirth - I gained an overwhelming sense of peace with my life and its future mysteries.

That peace helps me through the many challenges that being a mother brings, and with Ian as my little Zen master, I keep learning more and more about myself.

-Tracy Heilers, 2004