Constable: Preparing for Mother's Day by fighting the disease that killed her
On the eve of the first Mother's Day since her mom died, Susan Draddy of Hinsdale will spend the night raising money to fight the disease that killed both her parents.
"We celebrate Mother's Day at the gala," says Draddy, 56, whose husband, James, and their four children have made the Alzheimer's Association Chicago Rita Hayworth Gala, a family tradition. The fundraiser - this year on Saturday, May 12 - pays tribute to Hayworth, the legendary movie star, who died on May 14, 1987, at age 68 from complications of Alzheimer's. This year's gala, titled "Pure Imagination," was inspired by Gene Wilder, another legendary actor who died at age 83 in 2016 from complications of Alzheimer's disease, and whose family will be at the gala.
Draddy's introduction to the disease began in 2005, when both of her parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
"We knew something was up, and that's why we had the diagnosis," Draddy says. "My dad had some memory issues, and my mom was the rock of the family. They had each other's back."
When Draddy and her four siblings expressed concern about their dad, their mom would assure them he was fine. But things got worse for her parents, who were living in Stony Brook on Long Island, N.Y.
"His was slow and steady, and hers was more sudden," Draddy remembers. "All of a sudden, we were asking my dad questions about mom, and we knew we were in trouble."
Donald Allen Peacock died Oct. 6, 2008, at age 75, and his widow, Annette, came to live with the Draddy family.
"I had four kids between the ages of 5 and 10, and she needed more help than any of them, or all of them combined," Draddy says, smiling at the memory of how she tried to help her mom. "I put blue painter's tape along the floor in the hall so she could find her way to the bathroom."
Still in excellent physical shape, Annette Peacock would play tennis every week, bowl twice a week and dance whenever she could. "We danced a lot," Draddy says. She could do muscle-memory tasks, just not the memory part.
"She'd pack up her clothes every day. In her mind, she was a child looking for Grandma's house," Draddy says. The family learned how to make life comfortable for her. Sometimes, she'd ask when her husband was coming home.
"We'd say, 'No, Dad died,' and she would cry. She would experience his death all over again," says Draddy, who quickly realized that wasn't the way to go. "What are we doing? Why not tell her Dad's out golfing? So we did. We went along with whatever made sense to her."
Watching her deteriorate was painful but reminded them of the wonderful woman they were losing day by day.
"She had five kids and went back to school. That's just amazing," Draddy says, explaining how her mom earned her college degree, became a registered nurse and worked at a hospital. "Certainly when I became a mom, I remember writing my mom a note. I never knew how much a parent gives up and sacrifices."
Eventually, Annette Peacock moved into a dementia facility, and her grown children visited her often. She might not have realized those visitors were her kids, "but she knew we were her people," Draddy said. "I called her 'Mom,' but at some point I don't know if she knew what 'Mom' meant. I remember her asking, 'How's your mom doing?' And I'd say, 'She's great.' I had to enjoy the moment and appreciate where she was just then."
The mother and daughter would have online video chats several times a week. "I would call in, sit down, and we'd have coffee together," Draddy says. Mother's Day still carried meaning.
"She did not get it was Mother's Day, but we knew," Draddy says. "You do it for yourself as much as for them."
Since 2013, the Draddy family has been doing things for the Alzheimer's Association's gala. James and Susan Draddy chaired the event in 2015, and the entire family remains involved after the death of her mom at age 81 on June 19, 2017.
"They were two lovely people and what a marriage should be," says Draddy, who says her parents' early issues with Alzheimer's remind her to enjoy the health she has. Studies show that people who have close relatives with Alzheimer's are more likely to develop the disease.
"We live each day. We enjoy every moment," Draddy says, who works at building memories for her daughters Megan, who turns 20 the night before the gala, Shea, 18, Sara, 16, and 14-year-old son Jimmy.
The more than $1 million expected to be raised Saturday will go to researchers, many of whom attend the gala.
"As hard as the disease was, I'd give anything to hug her one more time," she says, her eyes watering at the memories. Even during her mom's worst moments, there were times "when the lights would come on and you knew she was there." Mother's Day brings back memories.
"It's bittersweet. We really take the time to focus on that. We've created a lot of awareness here about the disease, and we're proud of that," Draddy says, quickly adding that much more needs to be done. "We are sad the last 10 years of her life was dreadful disease. No one should live like that. We've got to find a way to eradicate this disease."
How to help
What: 31st annual Alzheimer’s Association Chicago Rita Haworth Gala
When: 6:30 p.m. reception, 8 p.m. dinner Saturday, May 12.
Where: Hilton Chicago, 720 S. Michigan Ave., Chicago
Attire: Formal, black tie optional
Cost: $750 and up
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