Constable: Whassup with Super Bowl? Nothing we haven't seen before
The Super Bowl, one of America's most-popular television series, has jumped the shark. Some people already have made the decision to boycott Super Bowl LII for political reasons and are posting their intentions.
Many right-wingers won't watch it as a form of peaceful protest because some NFL players knelt during the national anthem this season as a peaceful protest to bring attention to racial oppression. Some left-wingers won't watch the game because the NFL subjects humans, many of them from neighborhoods struggling with racial oppression, to head injuries, which are seen as a problem by 90 percent of fans surveyed in a recent Washington Post-UMass Lowell poll.
Those debates, while trending on Twitter, suck the life out of watching a football game for some fans, while others have equally strong feelings about whether Papa John, his pizza or his politics are good or evil.
The game features the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles, two teams that don't generate a beloved fan base outside their home stadiums' parking lots. No one thinks, "Gee, I hope the Eagles win it just for those poor Philadelphia fans, who deserve good news."
Likewise, no one outside of New England is rooting for the Patriots fans to experience a Super Bowl parade. The Patriots' Super Bowl career started with the glorious 46-10 demolition at the hands on the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XX. On Sunday, the Patriots will be playing in their Xth Super Bowl and will be going for their VIth victory.
Many folks are tired of watching Super Bowls that star Tom Brady, who was drafted in the sixth round of the 2000 NFL draft after the Bears, confident in quarterback Cade McNown's ability, passed on Brady to snatch up kicker Paul Edinger of Michigan State University.
Meanwhile, Brian Urlacher, the Bears' top draft choice that year, won't be part of this Super Bowl unless his hair-replacement advertisements move from billboards to television.
There is a precedent, as Peyton Manning has gotten more face time during Super Bowl commercials than he got during his Indianapolis Colts' Super Bowl XLI 29-17 win over the Bears, which is notable only for Lovie Smith's becoming the first black head coach ever to lose a Super Bowl.
After Apple set the standard for Super Bowl commercials with its 1984 spot introducing the Macintosh computer, the Super Bowl became a showcase for America's greatest catchphrases.
It was Super Bowl ads that gave us "Where's the beef?" and "Whassup" and pitted Michael Jordan vs. Larry Bird and Pepsi vs. Coke. Budweiser has alternated between emotion-tugging ads, featuring Clydesdales and puppies, and ads that go from hilarious to annoying in three days, such as those "Whassup" guys or the frog trio that croaked "Bud. Wei. Ser."
This year, Budweiser's commercial will show us how whenever there is a natural disaster, Budweiser employees get up in the middle of the night and slightly modify the recipe so that spigots filling beer cans with Budweiser now fill water cans with water, which also is known as Bud Light. Almost all the Super Bowl commercials are available online before the big game.
We know Reba McEntire will shatter stereotypes to become the first female Colonel Sanders.
We know a tongue-twister faceoff between Doritos Blaze and Mountain Dew Ice will pit Peter Dinklage against Morgan Freeman.
We know Danny DeVito will become a human M&M.
We know Matt Damon wants us to buy Stella Artois chalices as a way to send water to people who don't get the Budweiser water.
Pringles' Super Bowl ads feature SNL alum Bill Hader "flavor stacking" chips.
We'll see Keanu Reeves experience a website epiphany with Squarespace as he rides his motorcycle through the desert.
PETA's ad urging us to go vegan features a rejected church confession by someone in the meat industry. And Febreze will introduce us to Dave, a guy whose "bleep don't stink."
The actual game, however, might need some Febreze.