Grammar Moses: Dot your i's, cross your t's and mind your p's and q's

Kate Gingold wrote to tell me a recent column on how to employ commas when addressing holiday cards reminded her of something that's always confused her.

"I believe it should be 'Dot your Is and cross your Ts,' but it sure looks weird. So does 'Dot your is and cross your ts.' Frankly, putting apostrophes in makes the meaning much clearer, although I suppose it is wrong. What's your opinion?"

Consider this, Kate: You wouldn't put a dot on a capital I, would you? Nope. So, it's a lowercase i.

While you cross both a capital and lowercase t, for the sake of parallel construction you should go with a lowercase t.

As for the apostrophes, yes, use them so people don't think you want to dot the word "is."

The general rule is you use an apostrophe with single letters such as these. The rule changes for multiple letters, as in learning your ABCs.

So dot your i's and cross your t's. And while you're at it, mind your p's and q's.

While I'm on the topic, we all know that minding one's p's and q's means to be on one's best behavior.

There is much debate, however, on the origin of the phrase. The theory I like best is that English bartenders of yore would tell you to mind your pints and quarts, and p's and q's were the barkeeps' shorthand for how many you'd downed.

English pubs certainly would be a prime place to be concerned about one's comportment.

Poetic license

I don't know that in my 55 years anyone has ever written a poem about me.

Then came Stephanie Heavey of Palatine, who dropped me a line after a recent column on irregular verbs in which I also made a semi-serious pledge to run for the presidency on an all-grammar platform.

It seems I would have Stephanie's vote. She wrote:

She leapt to the occasion

And knelt without a stammer

As Jim Baumann took the oath

And held true to good grammar.

Her alternate verse, in which she converts irregular verbs to regular ones, doesn't roll off the tongue quite as easily.

She leaped to the occasion

And kneeled without a stammer

As Jim Baumann taked the oath

And holded true to good grammar.

This truly made my day, Steph. Thanks.

Vacationing home?

Carla Khan pointed out a headline that could be read two ways.

This one ran on the front page:

Woman learned her home exploded while on vacation

"Since past Friday, my home has been asking me why I never let it go on vacation and if I would, what would be a safer destination where it is not in danger of exploding," she wrote.

Touche, Carla.

As I've mentioned before, headline writing is a difficult and sometimes dangerous business. It doesn't follow all the conventions of prose. To write that headline without fear of ambiguity would have taken more words.

Some day I'll challenge you to write a one-column, four-deck headline on a Schaumburg somnambulist disappearing in Hanover Park - and we'll see what explodes.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.