Comically brutal 'Hitman's Bodyguard' caters to low expectations, no more
In the comically brutal buddy action road movie "The Hitman's Bodyguard," Ryan Reynolds' professional bodyguard tells Samuel L. Jackson's professional assassin that he has been hired to keep him out of harm's way.
Jackson looks miffed, then thunders, "I AM harm's way!"
This is exactly what we expect from one of Jackson's bigger-than-life tough guys who fires off as many R-rated expletives as he does bullets.
Therein lies both the appeal and the problem with Patrick Hughes' lightning-edited, instantly forgettable, Guy-Ritchie-lite ode to exploitative violence: It caters to our low expectations and never exceeds them.
Tom O'Connor's cliche-constructed screenplay pays lip service to love, loyalty and sacrifice, but this superficial action film has no interest in examining them.
It remains quite content to let Jackson and Reynolds bicker, beat up baddies, shoot a lot of people, race cars through European streets and be utterly unconcerned about explosions going off around them, simply because they're aware that we're aware that there's no way they will actually fall into real harm's way the way characters in "Game of Thrones" do every week.
The setup has Jackson's Darius Kinkaid being held in protective custody so he can testify against Belarusian war criminal Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary Oldman, somewhere under an avalanche of facial scars).
Dukhovich's henchmen set a trap to kill Kinkaid before he can testify at an international hearing at The Hague. Interpol agent Amelia Roussel (Elodie Yung, aka Elektra in "Daredevil") calls in ex-boyfriend Michael Bryce (Reynolds) to protect Kinkaid.
Bryce used to be the head honcho of a "triple-A-rated" protection company. But he tells Amelia about a client he's protecting and, bang! A sniper's bullet kills the client.
Bryce breaks up with Amelia, thinking she might have snitched, but he still carries an LED torch for her.
Good thing Kinkaid comes equipped with plenty of relationship advice, no doubt derived from his relationship with his violent, foul-mouthed wife, Sonia (Salma Hayek, utterly wasted in a one-note role), imprisoned on suspiciously undisclosed charges.
If Kinkaid testifies, Sonia goes free. But, if Kinkaid doesn't appear to testify by 5 p.m., Dukhovich goes free and Sonia stays in jail.
The unrelenting action in "The Hitman's Bodyguard" - with prerequisite slow-motion shots, Road Runner cartoon stunts and a host of other visual cliches - never bores.
But we've seen Jackson and Reynolds play these same characters in far better-directed movies (not "Snakes on a Plane" or "Green Lantern").
At a mere 111 minutes, "Hitman's Bodyguard" feels much longer, and the choreographed fight sequences (with obvious stunt doubles and phony-looking digital blood spray) lack the visceral, spontaneous impact of a full-press John Wick kickbutt-a-thon.
On the plus side, we get to hear Jackson warble a tune ("Nobody Gets Out Alive") and sing along with nuns.
He's a killer with real skills.
“The Hitman's Bodyguard”
★ ★
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman, Salma Hayek
Directed by: Patrick Hughes
Other: A Summit Entertainment release. Rated R for language, violence. 111 minutes