What to do if your child is being bullied

One in three children experience bullying firsthand and 70 percent of both students and teachers admit to having seen bullying in their schools, according to statistics from stopbullying.gov.

In light of these facts, it's likely your child will experience bullying themselves.

If it is your child that is being bullied, how you as the parent handles it is the single most important factor in what can be a complicated process.

Below is a step-by-step blue print to rescue your child and get them back on track.

Document everything

This is one of the most essential things for both the adults and student to do.

The student, if possible, needs to document every interaction that shows targeted bullying and harassment. Either on a page in a notebook or with a cellphone (using the camera, audio memos, notepad or other apps), document the following: date, time, location, people involved, description, and witnesses.

Adults should keep track of every phone call, email and face-to-face conversation related to the topic: date, time, mode of communication, summary of the interaction. If it was a face-to-face conversation, it is helpful to follow up with an email to the effect of "I wanted to write you to follow up on our conversation today. We discussed … and we agreed that you would … and I would …" This way everyone has a clear and shared understanding of what was said and what would happen.

Empower your child

If your child is feeling targeted and vulnerable, then it is important to empower them and include them in the problem-solving process as much as possible - keeping in mind their age, language skills and emotional readiness.

For younger elementary students, it may be as simple as asking them, "If you could wave a magic wand to fix this problem, what would you wish for?"

For older children, you can have a more in-depth conversation about how they feel and what are some things that would make them feel safer at school.

It is important to keep them informed about the steps you are taking so they know you are advocating for them, but you don't want them to feel overwhelmed by the process.

Each child is different, so use your unique knowledge to guide the level of involvement of your child.

It also may be helpful to remind them that they may not be the only one feeling this way, so you aren't only advocating for them, but you are trying to make the school better for all students.

Have a plan

Illinois has an antibullying statute, so if you believe the school is not addressing the issue, you have recourse.

Having and following a plan is key.

Begin by putting together a list of emails of your child's teacher, principal, school counselor, school district superintendent, school district deputy superintendent, your state representative and family attorney, if you have one.

Direct all emails to the appropriate person, but copy everyone in, every time, to let school officials know they're being watched.

Your first step is to request a written copy of the school's antibullying procedure. Next, set up a meeting with school officials and discuss whether there has been a violation of the school's antibullying rules. Discuss what steps school officials will take to resolve violations.

Obtain copies of all documents from the school on related incidents, as they are required to make reports.

For clarity, record all meetings (making sure those at the meetings know you are recording them).

Finally, follow up with your child and your school to gage progress. If progress if lacking, move up the food chain to the superintendent, the school board, your state representative's office and finally, the U.S. Department of Education.

Continue to document and copy everyone on every communication. You will find a champion.

If your child and been physically attacked or threatened with violence, file charges with the police immediately.

Early and often

Treat bullying like any of life's potential pitfalls; talk about it early and often.

Prepare your child for possible bullying by having regular conversations about what bullying is; how it affects people; what they should do if they encounter bullying; and what you will do to help them if it should occur.

Since your family plan will change as your child grows, have regular talks. These talks will build confidence in your child that your family will be successful in handling bullying and that their school environment is a safe one for them.

To learn more about Illinois' antibullying statute, visit www.iasb.com/law/ISBEBullyingPolicyRequirements.pdf

• Bill Shimuk is an IBJJF 1st degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and lead instructor at Threshold Martial Arts in Des Plaines, where he runs bully-proof programs.