This sarcastic note, from an avowed Chicago Cubs hater, showed up in my inbox:
"I couldn't sleep last night, given my excitement about the Cubs clinching their division championship, so I created this quiz for fans headed to Washington, D.C."
It's pretty entertaining. And some of his questions actually have correct answers.
Ready? No fair Googling. Or looking at the picture accompanying this column.
1. Before moving into Nationals Park, the Nats played at this Washington stadium: a. RFK. b. JFK. c. LBJ. d. PB&J.
2. True or False? Before each game, the announcer says: "Ladies and gentlemen, please stand, remove your hats and sing our Nationals' Anthem."
3. If you look over the right field wall you will see a giant pair of eyes staring back at you. They belong to: a. Max Scherzer. b. Bryce Harper. c. Stephen Strasburg. d. This isn't a Stephen King novel. There are no giant eyes staring back at you.
4. Three sculptures outside the stadium entrance feature: a. Max Scherzer, Dusty Baker and Bryce Harper. b. Walter Johnson, Josh Gibson and Frank Howard. c. Otis Nixon, Dan Ford and Gary Carter. d. Moe, Larry and Curly.
5. Bryce Harper: a. has great hair. b. deserves to be booed mercilessly until he signs with the Cubs, at which point he will become the greatest outfielder since Jason Heyward, Ian Happ, Kyle Schwarber, John Jay, Albert Almora, Ben Zobrist and Kris Bryant. c. is the son of Valerie Harper of "Rhoda" fame.
6. Washington's former team was named the Senators. Our U.S. Senators are: a. I didn't know we had Senators. b. Dick Durbin and somebody else. c. Rahm Emmanuel and Bruce Rauner. d) Mike and Lisa Madigan.
7. Watching Nats manager Dusty Baker incessantly manipulate a toothpick with his tongue: a. makes me hope my kids pick up the habit. b. reminds me of a Cinemax movie I saw last Friday. c. makes me gag. d. reminds me of how he handled Mark Pryor and Kerry Wood.
I know you're on the edge of your seats for the answers, but let me squeeze in a Cubs-related announcement.
How about a shout-out to Bruce Miles, our Cubs expert who does a bang-up job on the day-to-day, but always keeping the big picture in mind? He's good at the details, too, as evidenced by his snapshots you see in today's editions of player jerseys fans wear to the ballpark. For the big picture, I offer this: While the Cubs players and bosses were popping champagne corks, Bruce was looking ahead, asking everyone from outfielder Jason Heyward to owner Tom Ricketts some thoughtful questions on the season. Bruce's analysis appeared in Friday's editions. Really nice work.
OK, here are the answers: 1. a. 2. False. 3. a. (right eye blue, left eye brown, btw). 4. b. 5. a and b. 6. b. 7. d. (but all can be correct).
How'd you do?