'You are not alone.' Arlington Heights vigil supports domestic abuse victims

Domestic violence crept into Denise Murray's life slowly and insidiously.

What started as isolation spiraled into control, manipulation and abuse of all kinds by her then-husband, who she later learned was also abusing her children, Murray said. Financially strapped and committed to keeping her family together, she tried to save her marriage because she believed in the sacrament of matrimony. But as time went on, the abuse only worsened.

Murray felt trapped and ashamed, and she found herself questioning how she ended up in that situation. Looking back, she said, she wished someone would have told her that she's not alone; that they believed her; that it's not her fault.

Murray shared her experience Sunday night during an interfaith prayer vigil supporting victims of domestic violence. The event, called "Shine the Light," was put on by a coalition of eight Arlington Heights churches to raise awareness about an issue affecting families throughout the suburbs.

"It crosses every culture, every religious group, every age group, every gender," co-organizer Pat Kellen said. "There are no boundaries to whom it affects."

Three Catholic churches were involved in organizing the first vigil in 2015, held in accordance with Domestic Violence Awareness Month, said Kellen, a member of the domestic violence ministry at St. James Catholic Church. Five other Christian communities joined for this year's event, which focused on how to respond to victims seeking help.

Speakers advised the dozens of community members in attendance to listen, be patient and never criticize anyone who comes forward. Church leaders took a pledge to support domestic violence victims of any faith.

The vigil also highlighted local groups and organizations that offer housing, counseling, educational programs and resources for victims of domestic abuse. Rolling Meadows-based WINGS, for example, provides more than 74,000 nights of shelter annually, among other services, to people fleeing violent and dangerous situations, said Shelley Welch, senior manager of annual fund giving.

"The need is huge out there," Welch said. "It is really a critical issue that oftentimes people don't want to talk about because it's a private issue."

In addition to St. James, the other churches involved include Christian Church of Arlington Heights, Congregational United Church of Christ, First United Methodist Church, Our Lady of the Wayside Catholic Church, Our Saviour's Lutheran Church, St. Edna Catholic Church and St. John United Church of Christ.

Though the healing process is often long and difficult, Murray assured domestic abuse survivors that there are always people willing to help.

"This park is proof that you're not alone," she said. "(Domestic abuse) is real and it does affect children, but there is hope afterward, and there is joy afterward. And you're not alone."