Imrem: Chicago Cubs scripting a neighborly approach

Hollywood screenwriters should monitor the Big Beer Blast negotiations surrounding Wrigley Field.

The conflict between the ballpark owners and nearby homeowners easily could turn into “Neighbors 3: The Cubs Next Door.”

“Roll 'em!”

After the first two “Neighbors” films, everything settles down as the frat boys and brat girls mature, become information technicians, get married, have kids and move to Schaumburg.

Ah, but the house on the other side — a big house called Wrigley Field inhabited by a big baseball team called the Cubs — has changed hands over the years.

The current owners, the Ricketts, say that they want to be such good neighbors that State Farm will be jealous.

But as that goodwill declaration barely flows over their lower lips, the Ricketts rip up sidewalks and blare music and build a hotel on an already busy street.

No problem. The changes sure do look like progress and it sure is fun living near a ballpark.

Meanwhile, the Ricketts buy up so much nearby property that they're becoming awfully powerful.

Then this: The family plans to build a plaza next to the ballpark and feature a beer garden — though they refuse to call it a beer garden — for not only fans with game tickets but for anyone who can afford a bottle of brew or glass of grape.

“Cut!”

Naturally, that's when the plot sickens and neighbors object, fearing an army of drunks will damage their property … and the big-time, big-city mayor sides with these common folk.

I'm not creative enough to figure out where the story goes from there, but let's guess.

Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts was a Wrigleyville regular while in his 20s, but his profile now says that he lives “in the Chicago area,” which sounds a lot like the North Shore or somewhere else leafy and cushy.

The screenwriters can have the city allow the Cubs to have the party area they want, to call it what they want and to keep it open however many hours they want.

On one condition: Ricketts moves his family to Wrigleyville to demonstrate that it's still a wonderful place to raise kids.

Tom Ricketts and all the other Ricketts family members could judge for themselves whether drunk baseball fans really do tingle on lawns and barf on sidewalks.

“Intermission!”

(I refuse to take sides in this dispute. It could be that both parties are living the Buffalo Springfield lyric, “Nobody's right if everybody's wrong.” Or maybe it's the line in the Indiwire.com review of “Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising,” which reads, “There's no villain here, only conflicting interests.”)

The script can evolve in a couple of ways from here.

After Tom Ricketts settles his family in Wrigleyville, he might discover that visitors to the beer garden are the same people who attend church socials.

Ricketts enjoys their company so much that he buys up the rest of the neighborhood, installs beer kegs and wine taps on every corner, and lives happily ever after in what officially becomes “Rickettsville.”

Or Ricketts might be so shocked that there's disgusting behavior occurring that he relocates the family to Rosemont and takes the Cubs with them.

“The end!”

It's exciting to wonder where “Neighbors 4” will go from either of those scenarios.

mimrem@dailyherald.com