History offers perspective on state of American family

Editor's note: This is the first column in a two-part series.

The American family is in a state of crisis. Its very existence is threatened as never before in its history. Unless something is done, it is all too possible that the family as we know and need it will disintegrate before our very eyes.

Certainly, if we glanced through a few of the ever-present magazine and newspaper articles on family life, or perhaps watched a television special on the family, or read an online blog about marriage and family, we would readily come to the above conclusions. From all reports, the modern family is in big trouble.

This seems especially true when we compare today's family with the "good old days" - which for families means the 1950s. We remember it fondly: two parents, Mom at home, Dad at work (but always home in time for the mandatory family dinner), respectful and obedient children, nice home in the suburbs, etc. Family life, for the most part, was calm, placid and stable; and when it wasn't, Dad could set things right quickly, patiently and painlessly.

In comparison, the family of the early 21st century does seem to be in big trouble. But perhaps we need to take a broader perspective before we push the panic button.

For example, though we don't "remember" family life in the early days of our nation's history, we do have some indications of what it was like. Puritan records from the 1600s document a rising concern over reported incidents of wife abuse. People also were worried by the increasing number of men and women putting off marriage until their mid-20s (this was during a period of relatively short life expectancy; many people did not live much past 45 or 50 years of age).

By the mid-18th century, our revolutionary forefathers (or perhaps I should say "foremothers") were experiencing a premarital pregnancy rate greater than 40 percent. As single parenthood was not an option, a good many couples got married simply as a result of sexual carelessness.

In 1882 Massachusetts, the cost of living exceeded the average yearly pay of workers by a good one-third. To make up the difference, most women took in work (laundering, factory piece work) at home and children were expected to start contributing to family income at an early age. In fact, many older children at home, well into their early 30s, worked to help support their younger siblings.

In the early part of the 1900s, two alarming patterns emerged. First, the divorce rate increased dramatically. Second, more and more adults were choosing not to be married at all. The demise of the family was frequently forecast.

The Depression was an unmitigated disaster for families. Economic stress, job loss, and dislocation resulted in many marriages ending through desertion or simply by mutual agreement to avoid the cost of a legal divorce. Spouse and child abuse, neglect and alcoholism were rampant.

World Wars I and II saw a large number of "wartime marriages" (weddings right before being shipped overseas, while home on leave), which often ended just as quickly in postwar divorces. Manpower shortages resulted in large numbers of women entering the workforce; there was a resultant day care shortage that received widespread public attention.

Even during the idealized 1950s, things were not as rosy as we remember. As many as 33 percent of marriages ended in divorce. Of the remaining 67 percent, a full two-fifths reported that they were unhappy or only somewhat happy in their relationships. Demographics suggest that the image of the family promoted on television and in other media was a reality for only a small segment of the population, and even then it was seldom all it was held up to be.

There is an alternative view. We could also say the family is always "in transition."

From this perspective, the family is a social institution that has been changing since its inception - long before the days of recorded history and statistics.

The family is one way people come together to meet certain needs - the procreating and raising of children; emotional, sexual, and other forms of intimacy; economic security; social or political advantage, etc. These needs change over time, with some being more important than others at any given period in history. And our families adapt as these needs change.

"Crisis" or "transition?" Really it comes down to how we decide to see things. I'd just as soon take the more hopeful perspective. Next week we'll talk about the family in transition.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."