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Don't hide your tears

I heard it on the radio the other day: "Homo sapiens are the only species who cry."

I imagine other species produce tears when their eyes need irrigation or when they get something in them. And I suspect other species' eyes tear when they are in severe pain.

But it seems we humans are different. We cry because we feel. Our tears reflect a multitude of emotions: joy and sorrow, love and hatred, success and failure, strength and weakness, tenderness and anger. Our tears suggest strong, heartfelt feelings, often those that go to the core of our being.

Of course, most of us don't like crying. We fight it. Even when we welcome the emotions our tears are conveying, we resist the tears. We are as uncomfortable with tears of happiness as we are with those of sadness.

That's too bad. Granted, tears do leave us with red eyes, runny noses, smeared makeup, etc. Yet they are so important to our humanity. Tears represent part of what sets us apart from the rest of creation.

Part of the problem is our society's emphasis on being rational, logical, in control. We see emotions - and their existence evidenced in tears - as a sign of inferiority, not superiority.

For example, in my lifetime a presidential candidate shed a frustrated tear or two when his wife was unfairly attacked by his opponent. For many this raised questions as to his fitness for office. A pro-athlete covers his face in embarrassment to hide his tears when the last chance at a championship is lost. An action movie star grits his teeth and pushes ahead, despite the death of his girlfriend.

You probably noticed my examples all involve men. Males in particular seem to struggle with tears and the emotions they reflect. And though women are generally more able to accept their tears, as they try to function in male-dominated worlds such as politics, sports, business or medicine, women often decide they must suppress their tears in order to be accepted and respected.

That's moving in the wrong direction. Because, though we homo sapiens are also unique in our ability to think rationally and logically, we also need to experience the special humanness symbolized by tears.

There is hope. A new generation of men seems more open about emotions and the tears that sometimes accompany them. And women are assertively claiming their right to express deep feelings despite the censure of male colleagues.

We are creatures who cry. Thank God for our tears. We would be less human without them.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."

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