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Physical discipline isn't the answer with kids

You may already have heard this a hundred times, but let's make it one hundred and one: Parents' use of physical discipline is directly related to their children's anti-social behavior.

Not too long ago, in a study at the University of New Hampshire, researchers once again found that the more children are spanked the more they disobey, lie, bully and destroy.

This is nothing new; I've been reading research like this for decades.

There are at least a couple of explanations for this continued conclusion. For one, using physically violent forms of discipline always emotionally traumatizes children to some degree (think of how shook up you felt the last time you were physically threatened).

Violence from parents - whom children need to trust unconditionally - is especially traumatic. They tend to act out their anxiety, fear and anger in how they behave at home, in the neighborhood and at school.

Children's anti-social behavior in response to physical discipline also can be explained by simple learning theory.

When our children do not do what we want, we get our way through the use of physical threat and violence. We are, then, teaching them that whenever other people (or even things) do not do what they want, they too should use physical threat and violence to get their way.

For whatever reasons, the evidence is overwhelmingly clear that there is a direct cause and effect relationship between physical discipline and anti-social behavior.

Now, though the percentage of parents using spanking, slapping, yanking, shoving, etc. as discipline tools has steadily declined, there remains a significant number of us who resort to such parental violence. I suspect that's because we feel we have no other choice.

We do, though. Nonphysical methods of disciplining our children are readily available and can be learned by all parents if we are willing to invest the time and effort. Self-help parenting tips and manuals that stress nonviolence can be found on the Internet and in every book store. Counseling centers, churches, community colleges, park districts and other organizations regularly offer classes in parenting and discipline.

Actually, nonphysical methods of discipline have been shown to work better than physical methods. They take more parental patience, knowledge and skill, but the end result is worth it.

The sooner we parents master such an approach to discipline, the more effective we will be and the better behaved (and emotionally healthier) our children will be.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."

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