Age may bring wisdom but not certainty

I always figured that once I grew up, everything would finally make sense.

When I was a child, the world seemed magical, unpredictable and full of wonder. The "hows, whats, whens and whys" often were beyond my understanding. Life was mysterious, exciting and sometimes frightening.

As a teenager, I went back and forth between knowing everything and being afraid that I knew nothing. I was sure the world made perfect, logical sense, and somehow I should be able to figure it out. When I did find a piece to the puzzle, I would grasp it tightly, certain that I now knew the "truth."

Now that I've made it all the way to adulthood, I have discovered that the certainty I was sure I'd find is just as elusive as ever. And I don't have the excuses I had previously. I'm not a child, with the limitations of childhood thinking. Nor am I an adolescent or young adult, struggling to be both child and adult at the same time. I'm a full-fledged grown-up with more than a few decades under my belt. Yet everything definitely does not make sense.

In fact, it seems the older I get the less certain most things get. I used to know, for certain, exactly what lifelong career I was going to pursue. Well, it didn't exactly turn out that way. Now, though I'm happy with my current choice, I am fairly sure changes are in store for me as I move toward retirement.

I used to be sure exactly what a healthy marriage and family looked like. I've discovered over the years, however, that there are a variety of ways marriages and families can work, and not work.

At one time I knew, without a doubt, exactly what to do to solve our nation's and world's problems. Now, I'm much less sure that I even know the right questions, let alone the answers.

Likewise, there was a time when I understood God better, perhaps, than God understood him/herself. Much to my surprise, God has not seemed to be limited by my expectations.

I must confess that the certainty I was certain I would find as an adult has not materialized. It's almost as if the more I know, the less I know for sure. Perhaps that is one certainty I can proclaim: nothing is certain.

There is almost a sense of relief in that certain uncertainty. If I'll never know for sure, then maybe I can settle for that and relax a bit. Perhaps I can live with the loose ends of life and not work so hard to tie everything up in nice neat packages.

I also could use such uncertainty as an excuse for inactivity. I could protest that I'm not sure enough to make decisions, to take a stand, to act. I could be so afraid of being wrong, of failing, that I become paralyzed by my uncertainty.

The fact is, despite my uncertainty, I still have to go on living. I can't be certain, but I need to work, to relate to my family, to work with others to solve our nation's problem, and to find meaning in my faith anyway.

I suspect this is the real lesson of adulthood: nothing is certain but uncertainty. The measure of our maturity, then, becomes our ability to live life to its fullest despite such uncertainty. I'm not sure of that, but I am sure enough to give it a try.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."