Kids' polar bear comedy way below the 'Norm'
We had to wait 12 months to see the dumbest and most superficial animated kid's comedy of 2015.
In 2016, we only had to wait 15 days.
Like last year's "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip," Splash Entertainment's "Norm of the North" features lovable little lemmings urinating in everything except a bathroom bowl, then creating a comic cacophony consisting of critter flatulence.
"Norm of the North" not only trumps "Road Chip" in its sheer number of tasteless bodily discharges, it depicts people with unusual clothing (flouncy shirt sleeves), odd hairstyles (ponytails and pointy beards) and strange customs (meditation) as villainous and duplicitous.
Animated comedies for kids don't all need to be intellectually stimulating lessons in empathy and tolerance. Neither should they be puerile exercises in stereotyping and simple-mindedness.
"Norm" is the name of a big, burly polar bear voiced by Rob Schneider, who turns in a solid vocal performance when he reins in his overt Schneiderness.
Like his mysteriously missing grandfather (Colm Meaney), Norm can speak "human" (which not surprisingly, really means "English").
So when an unscrupulous New York real estate capitalist named Mr. Greene (Ken Jeong) plots to sell Arctic condo castles to rich people, a wise old gull named Socrates (Bill Nighy) persuades Norm to go to the Big Apple as a lobbyist against the commercial development of his homeland.
Three nutty, unsquishable lemmings go with Norm to help out and entertain him with tasteless bodily discharges.
Once the quartet lands in Manhattan, New Yorkers assume Norm must be an actor in a high quality polar bear costume.
That turns out to be a stroke of luck, because Mr. Greene's marketing director Vera (Heather Graham) needs a convincing polar bear actor to sell Artic condos in her ad campaign. Norm takes the job, thinking he can work inside the system.
It falls to Vera's smart and environmentally aware daughter Olympia (Maya Kay) to help Norm sabotage Mr. Greene's plot to colonize the Arctic. Olympia instantly recognizes Norm as a real talking polar bear, and she's OK with that.
"Norm of the North" has been banging around since 2010 at Splash Entertainment, a company specializing in children's TV shows such as "Chloe's Closet" and "Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch."
Splash reportedly created "Norm" as a direct-to-DVD project before upgrading it to a theatrical release, even though its sophomoric screenplay remains mired in Saturday-morning cartoon mode.
The movie does introduce us to a rare condo investor named Pablo (Gabriel Iglesias) who doesn't hesitate to lose millions when he hears - from a talking bear - that Mr. Greene employs shady business tactics!
We must remember that this is a comic fantasy.
But a twerking bear? In a kid's film?
Talk about polar disorder.
“Norm of the North”
★
Starring: Rob Schneider, Heather Graham, Bill Nighy, Colm Meaney
Directed by: Trevor Wall
Other: A Lionsgate Films release. Rated PG. 86 minutes