Imrem: Chicago Bulls need to settle their differences

Ah, yes, tis the season for peace on earth, goodwill to all.

Except for the Chicago Bulls.

Inside the walls of the Advocate Center practice bunker and office fortress, it's more like “Bah” to all the “Humbugs.”

As if the world's myriad conflicts weren't enough, from Ukraine vs. Russia to Israel vs. Iran to Trump vs. Clinton to me vs. my savings account.

The world of sports contributed its share this week alone with Beckham Jr. vs. Norman, Matheny vs. Heyward, Kobe vs. Father Time …

Bulls vs. Bulls.

I'm a certified pacifist but endorse this suggestion: when in doubt, duke it out.

Come one, come all, including Bulls vice president John Paxson and general manager Gar Forman if they dare join Bulls players in a few moments of mayhem.

The dysfunction within the Bulls' family is remarkable considering the measures taken to promote harmony.

Club chairman Jerry Reinsdorf has his pet basketball chief John Paxson, who has his pet general manager Gar Forman, who has his pet head coach Fred Hoiberg, who has his pet NBA team to coach.

Once Hoiberg replaced Tom Thibodeau after last season, all the acrimony was supposed to be flushed out of town.

Abrasive coaches like Thibodeau are eternally interim even after they sign long-term contracts.

So Thibodeau had to go and this season he's history.

Yet here the Bulls are again, going in different directions while still managing to collide with each other on the way toward oblivion.

The Bulls can try to talk it out, but talk is cheap; on the other hand, punches are priceless.

Before the Bulls take on the Thunder in Oklahoma City on Christmas Day, they have to settle their own differences the old-fashioned way.

Like children on the playground, the Bulls might as well escalate their mumbling to grumbling to rumbling.

Instead of practicing basketball this week, any Bull with a beef should climb into a steel cage and introduce his fists to his perceived nemesis.

If Hoiberg has a problem with Jimmy Butler telling him how to do his job, he should engage him in mixed martial arts.

If Butler has a problem with Derrick Rose's confounding attitude, the dispute can be addressed with boxing gloves.

If Rose has a problem with his own inner demons, he can wrestle with them as teammates cheer for the demons from the sidelines.

This isn't to suggest mortal combat, just a little festivus airing of grievances.

It isn't in my gentle nature to advocate violence but exceptions must be made, like when someone butts in front of the “Star Wars” line.

Or when the Bulls are in danger of squandering an entire basketball season because of internal sniping.

The Bulls act like a team full of individuals who don't want to be in the same ZIP code with each other, much less the same locker room.

It isn't enough for the Bulls to refuse to play Scrabble or go to strip clubs together. They have to smack each other around for a while so their differences don't simmer below the surface.

Wouldn't it be something if Hoiberg showed up on Christmas Day with a black eye, Butler with scratches up and down his arms, Rose with a mask to shield anther shattered face, and other Bulls bandaged and taped from broken noses to crushed feet?

And if they then went out and not only beat but also beat up on the Thunder?

Peace on earth has its limits in sports and goodwill to all doesn't mean all the time.

mimrem@dailyherald.com