Are they bullies? Or better at their jobs?

Q: How does workplace bullying differ from being excluded or marginalized because of performance?

I just passed a conference room where my entire team, except for me, was in a meeting. I wish I could say it was the first time this has happened.

These team members appear to work well together, and some have moved up in the organization, while I have not.

I also find myself assigned to tasks well below my skill and experience levels, and my contributions are consistently marginalized.

Recently, I've been put in a position where the information I need to complete my work is never included - and in many cases, was never even created.

I've experienced all kinds of "little" difficulties with people in leadership positions in this organization, but I can't say whether these qualify as bullying or whether I simply might not be good at my job.

A: It's impossible for me to tell from here whether you're being set up to fail or simply being left to flounder. Either way, improving your situation starts with laying your concerns out to your managers - or perhaps to a sympathetic, savvy teammate - and expressing a humble openness to constructive feedback.

"I think I could be making more meaningful contributions to the team. How can I demonstrate that I'm ready for more challenging projects?"

"I get the impression that my work product is not meeting expectations. [Insert evidence here.] Can you help me pinpoint where it's falling short and what improvements you'd like to see?"

"When I perform task X, I often lack the information I need to complete it. How do you suggest I obtain that information?"

If your performance is the problem, these questions invite concrete suggestions about how to improve. And if your managers can't offer any suggestions ... well, however bad you are at your job, I can say with confidence that they are worse at theirs.

But let's say you receive vague, mealy-mouthed nonanswers that have nothing to do with performance but leave you feeling more insecure. That would suggest that (1) you're being bullied and gaslighted, or (2) you're stumbling through some invisible culture of expectations involving subjective traits and "soft skills." The former scenario involves malice; the latter involves managers who may mean well but prefer to avoid critiquing what they can't quantify. That doesn't excuse them from trying, but it also means you may have to ask them to try.

And if this feeling that everyone else is functioning on a different wavelength is all too familiar to you - whether in school, social groups or other jobs - then a counselor may be able to help make some of those invisible expectations clearer. You can't meet what you can't see.