Elgin Community College to host rally against domestic violence

Help is available.

That's the message of Elgin Community College's third annual Take a Stand Against Domestic Violence Rally, which is set for Thursday.

It will feature Cheryl Stella Dalisay, an abuse survivor who serves on the Domestic Violence/Abuse Ministry team at St. John Neumann Church in St. Charles.

Typically, “you only hear stories of people who have suffered extreme physical violence,” said Dalisay, 48, a marketing research consultant from Batavia, who was in an emotionally abusive marriage for nearly 13 years.

While there are statistics on battered women and women who suffer dating violence, emotional abuse is hardly measured, she said.

“There's a great percentage of women in marriages that experience this kind of thing,” said Dalisay, adding her message to them is, “Never give up.”

Elgin Police Chief Jeff Swoboda also will speak Thursday about the role of police, communities and men in stopping domestic violence.

“Abusive relationships aren't always physical,” said Swoboda, adding abuse can be emotional, economic and about controlling one's partner.

“We all have to look out for each other,” he said.

Swoboda urges victims to call and get help from a cadre of social workers at the department.

“We have an entire social services unit,” he said. “We can offer resources for them.”

The department also reaches out to victims through follow-up visits and works closely with the Community Crisis Center of Elgin, he said.

Swoboda said it's difficult to get an accurate number for domestic violence occurrence in the community because many victims suffer through it for years before seeking help.

“Reporting goes up when we talk about it,” he said.

Investigating domestic violence also can be difficult, and officers routinely train to understand the “circle of violence,” Swoboda said.

“We are routinely talking about it at our neighborhood meetings,” he said. “It's a matter of making sure people understand what their rights are. It's all of our responsibility to keep each other safe. Victims need to know it's not their fault.”

Maureen Manning-Rosenfeld, director of client services for the Community Crisis Center, said the ECC rally brings together community members, students and social service providers to take a stand for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

“Last year, it was standing room only,” she said.

The center offers counseling 24 hours a day/seven days a week for perpetrators to help them stop abusive behavior, for victims to help them overcome the trauma and for child witnesses. It also shelters up to 40 women and children per night.

Between 85 percent to 95 percent of victims are women, with men making up the remainder.

“The important piece is ... to not be silent when you realize that it's occurring to someone in your family, in your school, in your congregation, place of employment,” Manning-Rosenfeld said. “We all know victims of domestic violence. Get victims connected to service and (let them) know that there is just no excuse for domestic violence.”

Abuse victims seeking help can call the crisis center hotline at (847) 697-2380.

The rally will begin 7 p.m. in the college's Spartan Auditorium, Building G, Room G100, 1700 Spartan Drive.

“We invite the whole community to turn out,” Manning-Rosenfeld said. “Don't just be a bystander. Stand up for a victim and refer someone for help.”