What does advertising tell us about ourselves?

Next time you drive around town, take a look at the people who wind up on billboards. I did this at the suggestion of a friend the other day, and found it educational.

The preponderance of people, mostly models I'd guess, were attractive, to say the least. Most were also young and well-dressed.

Some billboards did feature older adults - usually the ads for medications, gambling boats or jewelry - but even these characters were uniformly good looking.

I watched some TV that evening, and noticed the same phenomena. If you judged us by our advertising, you'd have to agree that we are a bunch of beautiful, prosperous people.

Now, it's no news to anybody that all that advertising is targeted to sell certain things to certain age groups. Baby Boomers are still one of the largest demographic groups in the nation, and as we age we're going to see more and more ads that show aging Boomers doing things like using prescription medications, buying expensive cars, etc.

We are past our spending prime, however (think about all our conversations about downsizing), and a good deal of attention is going to be paid to our kids' generation. They're busy accumulating jobs, kids, houses, etc., and may not have developed particular brand loyalties.

Even seniors get attention as, right now, they are sitting on a good deal of the nation's wealth and might be tempted to part with it, if not for themselves, then at least for their children and grandchildren.

The good life for all these groups, however, is clearly defined in our advertising-driven national self-image as having to do with being physically attractive, well-heeled, and surrounded by the latest and best of consumer goods.

Even the most recent holiday-oriented spate of advertising, which usually tends to be a bit more relationship focused, mostly stressed the above. And I recently watched a TV ad for Alzheimer's' treatment in which mom, even though she couldn't remember her daughter, still looked like she had just finished clothes shopping at Macy's, spent an afternoon at the spa, and furnished her house at Walter E. Smith.

I'm not against such advertising. I understand capitalism and how it works. And I like to look good and get new stuff myself.

What strikes me is that so many of the messages we put out in our advertising don't match the real world most of us live in. And, in fact, it also doesn't match what we actually know about what makes life worth living.

What research exists on overall personal "well-being" or "satisfaction in life" totally contradicts much of the images we see on billboards, in magazines and newspapers, and on TV.

Being happy is most clearly connected to 1) being grounded in a network of supportive relationships, 2) having a meaningful vocation or other way of contributing to the well-being of others, 3) being relatively physically and mentally healthy, and 4) being spiritually centered.

Sure, attending to such basic human needs as food, shelter, safety and clothing are important. Once we have reached a minimal level of security in these areas, however, they don't add all that much more to our sense that life is worth living.

We live in a society, then, that publicly promotes a way of living that is only minimally connected with what makes that living worthwhile.

I bring all this up because we parents, especially, need to remember this when we consider what values we want to stress with our children. Most of what they see day in and day out is not going to teach them the sort of things that will ultimately make them happy. If they are going to hear an alternative, an alternative that is supported by more than just the need to sell stuff, then it needs to start with us.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."