Ron Onesti: 'School's Out' … a rock and roll golf lesson
It's mid-June, and we finally did it! My brother, Rich, and I finally went out and played a round of golf! It's a pastime I am hardly good at, but truly love, just for the serenity of it all. Among the craziness of entertainer negotiations, ever-changing marketing strategies and separating the green M&M's from the rest of the colors, being on the greens is an extremely liberating exercise.
As I was masterfully sinking one of my infamous four-putts, I got to thinking how the sport of golf was in many ways connected to music and to musicians.
Structurally, the precision of golf mirrors the specificity of music. If your swing is off just one degree, it affects the entire performance of the shot, and ultimately, the game. And we all have experienced that vocalist who blew one note in a song, causing the entire performance to sink to a lower level.
Just as a musical piece relies on harmonies to create the essence of its sound, there a many elements within the sport of golf that also must be harmonious with each other. Focus, practice, the linking of all the elements that make up the performance - you could easily be talking about either golf or music.
Just as a musical piece must be connected to flow smoothly, a golfer's swing must follow through with the smoothness of glass.
More and more entertainers, specifically "rock stars," are ironically getting into this game once thought of as strictly a representation of "the establishment" and its platform based on social conformity. Rock stars have rarely been accused of being part of a "high-browed," socially responsible culture. But today, it is nothing to see a tattooed Tommy Lee of the heavy-metal rock band Motley Crue playing 18 holes with his accountant and a potential corporate sponsor.
My first connection between golf and entertainment came way before I began playing the game. Sunday night television exposed me to Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Jackie Gleason … all entertainers we grew up with who identified themselves as golfers on television when they weren't actually "acting." Bob and Bing would host their shows with putter in hand. Even Johnny Carson opened his show every night with his signature golf swing.
As far as rock stars go, probably the most famous to be linked to the game of "Links" (a Scottish word referring to a certain high-level golf course) would probably be Alice Cooper. The first time I worked with Vince Furnier (his real name) was in October of 2000. I did a Halloween show with his band in the infield of Hawthorne Racecourse in Cicero.
The stage was set as an automobile accident scene, complete with a smashed automobile on the stage and a lighting truss that was positioned as if it was going to fall off the roof onto the crowd at any moment. There were other accoutrements of disaster including boa constrictor snakes, beheaded corpses and a working guillotine. Hardly a representation of a typical, plaid-stockinged country club member.
While waiting for us to get set up for his sound check, "Alice" emerged from his giant black tour bus with a pitching wedge and handful of golf balls. He commenced practicing his chip shot, and I have to admit, he wasn't the black-eyed, leather-clad demonic performer I was expecting.
Without realizing just how into golf he was at the time, I made one of those brash comments that we all wish we could take back. "C'mon, you don't play golf, do you?" I asked. "Yeah man, I do!" he responded. "Seriously?" I retorted.
To this day, I still believe I must have sounded like an uninformed wannabe fan. But it was at that moment that golf became cool for me, and I continue to play to this day because of the "School's Out" singer.
It turns out that Alice redirected his addictive personality from drugs and alcohol to the game of golf. He was on the path of personal destruction and decided to go "all-in" on the game in the early 1980s, saving himself from an early, certain death.
More recently, as we at The Arcada Theatre have been hosting a regular roster of superstars, we have been asked frequently to coordinate tee times for the celebs. Robby Kreiger, guitarist for legendary band "The Doors," was a recent player at Pheasant Run Resort while waiting for his sound check. Vince Gill hit the driving range before his Time Jumpers show. We even had this band from Scotland called the Red Hot Chilli Pipers (rock 'n' roll bagpipe players) play an entire round. They invited me to play, but when I realized this band was made up of strong young Scotsman from the country that invented golf, I decided to wimp out, much to my present regret.
So as I approached the 18th green, finishing a most reflective day on the golf course, I took a deep breath and made my last shot. It was a 20-foot putt that bounced in and out of a divot, ricocheted off a dried leaf, crossed a shadow and somehow dropped squarely into the hole. The plop of the ball into the cup was truly music to my ears, and I bowed to the applause of the imaginary thousands who witnessed my symphonic golf shot finale.
• Ron Onesti is president and CEO of The Onesti Entertainment Corp. and The Historic Arcada Theatre in St. Charles. Celebrity questions and comments? Email ron@oshows.com.