How to achieve 'excellence in balance'

Every four years I find myself glued to the TV, fascinated by the suspense, the spectacle, and the stories of the Olympic Games.

I mention that because the rest of this column may sound "anti-Olympic." You see, I've found myself troubled as well as fascinated by some of what I've watched. And that's what I'd like to talk about.

I imagine we all love "Olympic" stories - whether they have to do with athletics or not. We are all attracted to the tales of dedicated artists, athletes, scholars, scientists and entrepreneurs who devote themselves almost exclusively to the pursuit of excellence in their fields. We admire their commitment, single-mindedness, self-sacrifice and almost superhuman effort and achievement.

But there is often another side to these stories, a side that is not often told. And it is not particularly pleasant.

There is the professional athlete who gives so much of his time to perfection and his physical prowess that he never learns how to just be with people. He becomes a heavy drinker because alcohol helps him relax in social situations.

Or we could talk about the scientist who so devotes herself to her work that she neglects her own health, becoming overweight, out of shape, a "coronary just waiting to happen."

Then there is the business woman who claws her way to fame and fortune. But she does so at the cost of her ethics, values and beliefs. She simply does not have time to think about such things; they just get in the way of pursuing her goals.

An artist becomes so wrapped up in his work that there is not time for his wife or children. Soon he is little more than a visitor in his own home. His marriage and family begin to wither away, but he is too absorbed to even notice.

And we might tell the story of the scholar who finally achieves the national recognition he has sought for so long, but does so at the cost of his emotional self. His single-minded devotion to thinking has left him incapable of feeling.

These are the stories that seldom are brought to our attention. As a culture we are so enamored with the pursuit of excellence, no matter what the cost, that we simply do not want to hear them. But hear them or not, we too often pay a hefty price for our commitment to being the best.

Now, there is an alternative. We can, instead, dedicate ourselves to the pursuit of balance, of wholeness, in our lives. We can so value our physical, emotional, rational, social and spiritual selves that we seek to develop each to its fullest potential.

Actually, we even have a name for people who achieve such a balance. We call them "well-rounded" people.

Such well-rounded people, then, would pay attention to their physical fitness and health. They would do such things as eat, sleep, exercise, and rest accordingly.

If we are committed to wholeness, we would open ourselves to our own emotions - pleasant and unpleasant alike - and risk sharing them with others.

A pursuit of balance would include exercising our minds as well. We would take our intellectual lives seriously and regularly consider new ideas or ways of thinking.

We would devote time to our relationships - our friendships, our families, our neighbors and colleagues. We would look for ways for each to grow and develop.

Finally, and most importantly, we would take seriously the need for purpose, direction and fulfillment. Our spiritual selves would become the foundation upon which we build a balanced, whole, well-rounded life.

Of course, we would pay a price for such a life. We would have to give up the pursuit of excellence.

That doesn't mean we would not achieve excellence in art, athletics, scholarship, science, business, etc. I believe that some of us can achieve such excellence because we do have talents, abilities, "gifts" in these areas.

But excellence in one area would not come at the cost of all growth and development in other areas. And that probably means those of us who do not have such natural talents, abilities, or gifts would not necessarily achieve excellence.

If you think about it, we already are faced with such failure to achieve excellence in much, if not most, of life. We all have to come to terms with not being one of the best, most recognized most accomplished.

Too often, however, we berate ourselves for such failure. We say to ourselves: "If only I'd tried harder," or "What's wrong with me?" or "Wait 'til next time." And we decide to devote ourselves even more to our goal.

What I am suggesting instead is that we think first about balance. We carefully assess the price we will pay for committing ourselves to a goal. And we do not sacrifice wholeness in the pursuit of excellence. We are able to say to ourselves, "It's not worth the extra cost," or "Good enough," or even decide to walk away.

Perhaps we are not actually talking about a choice between excellence and balance. Maybe we are really suggesting "excellence in balance." I like the sound of that. Think about it.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."