Ending a bad mood takes positive mindset
Most of us spend about three out of every 10 days feeling down in the dumps. Or at least that's what a study from the University of Michigan suggested.
Not exactly news to make my day, but I guess I'm not surprised, either. It seems that most people I know, including myself, probably could vouch for the accuracy of that estimate.
Unfortunately, the study also concluded that most of us don't do a very good job of dealing with such bad moods. Actually, the strategies we use often just make us feel worse.
For example, research suggests the most common response to such down days is to try to distract ourselves - reading, TV, socializing. And though we may experience a temporary lift, it doesn't seem to last and our failed attempt to feel better often leaves us even more discouraged than when we started.
Popular psychology to the contrary, venting our anger, frustration or bitterness also doesn't help all that much. Blowing off steam actually can make us feel worse as we often add to our problems in the process of dumping all our feelings on the people around us.
A third popular alternative - alcohol, drugs or reaching into the medicine cabinet for that prescription we've got for a little "pick me up" - is also not the best way to deal with such short-term bad moods. Alcohol and drugs create temporary highs at best (and actually make some of us feel worse).
Prescription drugs can help with longer-term depressions but also can become an easy fix that keeps us from addressing whatever problems actually underlie our gloomy periods.
On the other hand, there do seem to be some fairly effective ways to cope with such feelings.
Trying to solve whatever problem we have does make most of us feel better, even if we can't actually make things work out. The simple fact of just trying has a positive effect on our mood.
Research suggests that even deciding to do better the next time can help. We may not be able to make things work out in the present, but we can lift our spirits by promising to try harder in the future.
The old "silver lining in every dark cloud" philosophy can actually make a difference as well. When we search for and focus on what good can come out of our problems, we will create a better mood in the process.
A special treat or reward also can brighten our outlook. We can reward ourselves just for being us.
Finally, the most effective way to counter bad moods seems to be intentionally remembering past successes. It seems if we can think of the things that have gone well in our lives, the accompanying positive emotions seems to counter the negative feeling with which we feel stuck.
I may have failed miserably in trying to discipline my daughter this afternoon, for example, but I want to remember all the times I have done a good job of parenting.
Bad moods, then, are something we all have to deal with now and then. There are certain things we can do to make them shorter in duration and less intense in their impact on us. Though we may have to live with them, we don't have to let them ruin our lives.
• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."