Gire: MacFarlane's 'Ted 2' a bearly funny sequel
For a moment, you might think that Seth MacFarlane's gross and uncouth comedy sequel "Ted 2" could be a wacky political metaphor for American slavery, or at least the idea of U.S. citizens being legally viewed as property.
Nope.
Any hope that MacFarlane might take on Jack Handy for a round of Deep Thoughts gets quickly trashed in "Ted 2," along with any expectation of an engaging plot or consistent comic quality.
In short, "Ted 2" pretty much comes off as you might imagine: a seemingly two-hour movie trailer with all the grade-D parts not yet removed.
The first half-hour or so jets by on a string of crass rapid-fire visual gags and one-liners that would make a pro blush, especially a personal, sexualized Kardashian insult that's so blue, it could turn the Smurfs gray.
The "Ted 2" opening credits offer Ted the teddy bear (wished to life by his human buddy Johnny years ago when he was a kid) at the center of a giant Busby Berkeley number, an impressive widescreen musical montage with lots of flailing legs and tails as tuxedoed men trip the light fantastic with sequined ladies on a giant piano and a massive four-layer cake.
"Ted 2" begins with the wedding of Ted (again voiced by MacFarlane) and his very human girlfriend Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) officiated by "Flash Gordon" star Sam Jones. This sets up the movie's flimsy premise: that to save his soon-faltering marriage, Ted decides he and Tami-Lynn should have a baby.
To do that, he needs a sperm donor, a quest that prompts him and his now-divorced best bud John (Mark Wahlberg) to break into football star Tom Brady's house late at night for a personal donation.
When that fails, Ted tries the adoption option. That places him in another fine mess, mainly, government agencies determine that as a living toy, Ted cannot exercise human rights. He is, in fact, merely a piece of property.
Ted and John wind up with 26-year-old pro bono attorney Samantha L. Jackson (Amanda Seyfried), who goes to court to win human rights for the bear.
Meanwhile, MacFarlane's script offers us a feeble action subplot in which the disturbingly strange Donny (reprised by Giovanni Ribisi with scary hair) pops in from the first "Ted" to hatch a diabolical plot with Hasbro toy CEO Tom Jessup (John Carroll Lynch).
Once a judge rules Ted to be nothing more than personal property, Donny will abduct the bear, cut him open with a large knife, then recycle his magical innards to create a million other living teddy bears for children to smoke dope with, just like Ted and John do.
This is every bit as ridiculous as it sounds, but after all, we are talking about a teddy bear that curses, smokes drugs and tells bad jokes.
MacFarlane's original 2012 "Ted" mustered solid shock value and novelty as it fiendishly skewered a child's fantasy of wishing for a favorite toy to come to life. But if one did, what would happen 10 or 20 years down the road?
"Ted 2" boasts just enough outrageous sight gags and punchy verbal exchanges to push us through the less-inspired parts, such as Patrick Warburton and Michael Dorn beating up nerds at a Comic-Con gathering, or someone being crushed by a large USS Enterprise model.
MacFarlane compensates for those with a battery of cameo appearances, including Jay Leno, Morgan Freeman, Jimmy Kimmel, Liam Neeson and the cast of "Saturday Night Live" doing a riff on Ted's controversial court trial.
The result? A hit-and-miss-and-miss comedy infused with humor that's more than sketch. It's sketchy.
“Ted 2”
★ ★
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Morgan Freeman, Dennis Haysbert, Tom Brady, Michael Dorn
Directed by: Seth MacFarlane
Other: A Universal Pictures release. Rated R for drug use, language, sexual situations. 115 minutes