Constable: Why Mom is secretly a hero, like this Long Grove cancer survivor
Many children don't realize their mother's secret identity until they grow into adults themselves. They have kids of their own, face the struggles of life, try to hold it all together and it suddenly dawns on them that their mom always has been a superhero.
"I am 17 years old, and I know what a hero is," reads an essay by Lainey Simanek of Long Grove, who learned that lesson early because of her mom's struggle with breast cancer. "She doesn't need a cape and mask to hide her true identity. Her heroism is her identity. It's who she is, inside and out."
The full essay appears on today's Daily Herald Opinion page.
Seeing that Lainey grasps that sentiment and shares it with her brother, Ethan, 15, and 12-year-old sister, Josie, should make today's Mother's Day a special celebration for Tiffany Simanek, 43, who has been cancer-free since her double mastectomy in October, and for her husband, Scott.
Thousands of suburban moms cope with cancer, either theirs or a loved one's. Moms deal with their own mothers' issues, their children's problems, their spouses' obstacles, other illnesses, divorces, financial woes, job demands, the lack of a job and the daily stresses of their own modern lives. Sometimes, it requires a crisis to make others realize that.
"We spent time together but had a very basic relationship," remembers Lainey, a typical teenage girl who treated her mom as her mom and not her BFF. She always loved her mom but didn't realize all that encompassed. Her mom would juggle meals so that the family would eat together, even if that meant a late dinner after a sporting event or school activity. She and her mom would play tennis together every once in a while. Lainey would acknowledge her mom's birthday or Mother's Day.
"Usually an Instagram for the holidays," says the girl, who figured weekdays were for family and weekends for friends. She suspected something was a little off on the day of her mom's mammogram in August. "I stayed home that night and went to a movie with her and my dad," Lainey remembers.
When the results came back, "they brought us into the family room and said, 'Everything is going to be fine, but…,'" Lainey says. She knew how to be a supportive daughter because she had seen that example before.
"I remember when I was younger, my grandmother being very nervous about her mammogram, and I remember my mom comforting her," Lainey says, taking gratification in the fact that her grandmother, Cindy Price, survived breast cancer and stills lives in Freeport. But, in a scenario common in lots of families, the mom took on that burden.
"I don't want you to worry about me. That's the last thing I need," Tiffany Simanek told her kids.
"That was a true moment of 'Wow!'" Lainey says. "The person I was worrying about was making sure we were OK."
Her dad, generally a pretty emotional guy, helped her mom maintain some calm and normalcy in their home, even after the decision was made to opt for a double mastectomy.
"We kind of kept it on the down low," recalls Lainey, who remembers coming close to losing it on the night before the October surgery. "Again, it was my mom, coming into my room and making sure I was OK."
Coping with her family's crisis in the midst of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Lainey says she realized the importance of a movement sometimes overshadowed by lighthearted slogans such as "Save Second Base," NFL players donning pink cleats, the Cubs' "Pink Out" Monday in the bleachers, and the suburban landscape saturated in pink.
It helped her realize that classmates might be dealing with other serious and traumatic issues. Remembering how her mom and dad did the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer years ago suddenly took on more meaning.
Although it was difficult to see her mother endure the surgery and recover, Lainey says cancer and its impact didn't change her mom.
"Not at all," Lainey says. "Always, always the same mom."
Except that her children now have a better understanding and appreciation for the heroic nature of motherhood.
"The appreciation, it's not just me of her, but her of me," Lainey says, explaining how cancer added maturity to the family setting. "I see us as much more real and together and communicative, and able to rely on each other like a family should."
As a fourth-grader she remembers writing, without giving it much thought, an essay about her mom being her hero. As a junior at Stevenson High School, her essay has the depth to back up that proclamation. Today brings Mother's Day presents, but the most-important gift will be delivered June 6 and 7.
"My mom and I are doing the Avon 39," Lainey says, adding that their two-person team, The Young and the Breastless, has raised more than $4,500 with their pledge to walk the 39 miles through Chicago's neighborhoods and along the lakeshore. "I know it sounds cheesy, but thinking about doing it, I get so excited. It will be like putting a bow on the whole experience."