Smiling when you're down may brighten your mood

Somewhere out there, perhaps even reading this column, are two people to whom I owe apologies.

First, I'd like to say “I'm sorry” to the driver of the Chevy who needed to get over into the left-turn lane the other day. There was no good reason I couldn't have slowed down and let you in.

Second, I want to apologize to the woman at the checkout at Target yesterday. You smiled and meant it. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I barely acknowledged you.

I don't feel good about the part of me that can be insensitive, rude or even hostile. Usually, I'm just down in the dumps, or frustrated with myself. And after I've realized what I've done, I feel that much worse.

There's this basic law of human nature that I seem to need to relearn every couple of months. When we get caught up in our own negative feelings, we tend to take it out on those around us. And when we do, our negative feelings just increase. So everybody loses.

Luckily, the opposite is also true. Driving to work today, I stopped at the post office. An elderly man approached the door as I did. Thinking about this column, I decided to open the door for him.

He beat me to it! Maybe he was thinking about a newspaper column he was writing, or maybe he is just a courteous person. Whatever the reason, I found myself ushered through the door. But I got even. I opened the second set of doors for him.

We both smiled at our conflicting but friendly intentions. I felt better, and I'll bet he did, too.

Not only did my mood improve, but I found myself driving more pleasantly. Even though I was a bit late, I stopped to let a driver turn left across traffic into Burger King. He smiled. I smiled back.

My positive attitude even carried over into a day of rather hectic office work.

Our attitude and behavior, it seems, are intimately intertwined. If we feel negative and act negatively, we will feel even more negative. If we feel negative and act positively, we will wind up feeling positive.

I'll spare you all the additional claims that other people sometimes make for such positive behavior and attitude. It will not solve all the world's major problems, like war, poverty and poor TV reception, but it can make a big difference in that small part of the world we can change.

It's certainly worth a try. We, and everybody around us, will be glad we did.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of “Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children.”