Tips for consoling those who are grieving

"Sympathize with him and comfort him." Job 2:11 (NIV)

The past few years, three of my friends have become widowed. I've tried to offer love and understanding to them in their loss.

Giving support and condolences during a friend's time of misfortune takes some time, tenderness and compassion. There's been times I've prayed to make sure I am sensitive to their needs.

At times, friends have shared how unkind and insensitive people's comments can be. In my times of grief, I can remember hearing some remarks that hurt rather than helped. To make sure we are sensitive to the needs of others, I'd like to share some of the ways we can be helpful when someone is hurting from a loss.

These tips can also provide insight and comfort to us when we are hurting and someone says something that rubs us the wrong way.

The greatest need a grieving person needs is someone to listen to their pain. Oftentimes, we can make the mistake of offering advice, saying things such as "It will get better," or "you just have to move on." Another popular remark is "you've got to have faith."

Most of the time the mourners know these things, but at the time of their loss, these aren't the consoling words that soothe the aching heart.

Saying something more sensitive such as, "Anytime you want to talk I'm available to listen; I'm sorry you're going through this; or I'm praying for you." Above and beyond saying anything at all, is giving a big hug, pat on the back, or squeezing their hand.

We don't have to talk to console. Sometimes just being present is all that is needed.

Many grieving friends have mentioned that they appreciate when others continue to reach out weeks and months later. Initially, mourners are surrounded by family and friends, but after the funeral it can be a time of loneliness.

We can help others handle a loss by sending a card, taking time to call them, providing a meal or spending some time with them. These simple acts can provide emotional support and be a gift they will cherish forever.

• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, speaker, life coach and nurse. Annettee will be speaking at Panera Bread in Round Lake Beach Thursday, April 16, at 7 p.m. Invite her to speak to your group or conference or coach you. She welcomes your email at Annetteebudzban@aol.com or call (847) 543-8413.