In-laws have 'lifetime right' to son's home

Q. My husband and his parents inherited his aunt's home when she passed away in 2002. We have lived in this house for 11 years. We have always paid the taxes since the deed was transferred over to my husband, but his parents have a "lifetime right" to this home.

To say this as nicely as a daughter-in-law can, this home needs updating. We would love to paint over the knotty pine walls, redo the kitchen and finish the basement. We have tried to respect their opinions, but this dark wood is so dated and depressing. They have now resorted to telling my husband we can't do anything to this house.

Our questions are:

• Does a lifetime right mean total control over this home and property until their deaths, even though the deed is in my husband's name only?

• We are in our 30s. Is it unreasonable to want to make our home reflect who we are and enjoy, and if something as trivial as painting over wood can fix that, don't we have that right? Can my in-laws get lawyers involved and evict us at any time by invoking their lifetime right?

We could move. But if we leave, my father-in-law said he'd rent it out and we would get nothing from that. Or if we try and sell this house, we only get one-third of the money. Are these just control tactics that are sadly affecting our marriage? Or is this what a lifetime right entails?

A. I question whether that deed really has only your husband's name on it. Have you seen it? While I can't know exactly what kind of "lifetime right" your in-laws have, I'm ready to guess that they are presently the complete owners. They probably have all owners' rights except one - the right to bequeath the property in their wills. It must go to your husband eventually, but he doesn't own it now.

If that is the case, you are pretty much in the position of tenants in someone else's house. If you want your home to reflect who you are, perhaps it's time to move to a place of your own.

If the house were sold, then yes, the proceeds would be shared. The IRS has tables showing what portion would go to your in-laws, based on their life expectancy, and how much would be your husband's, in return for giving up his eventual ownership.

Q. What is the best type of reverse mortgage to get, and what are the costs involved? I know there's three ways to get it: lump sum, monthly payments or line of credit.

A. Asking that question is like walking into a drugstore and asking, "What's your best medicine?" Or, let's say, walking into a shoe store and saying, "What's your best pair of shoes?"

The answer will be - "It all depends. Are you a man or a woman? Are your feet big or small? Are you going hiking or dancing? Is this for winter or summer? Do you like plain or fancy? Is your wardrobe black or brown? Is cost a consideration?"

Same with financial planning. The answer to "Which mortgage is best?" starts with "It all depends." What are your needs? Why are you considering a reverse mortgage? What do you hope to accomplish?

Those three payment options are available because each homeowner's situation is a little different.

For information on closing costs, you'll have to consult individual lenders. In general, closing costs on any kind of mortgage are high enough so that taking out the loan doesn't make sense if you're going to remain in the home for only a few years. But at any rate, with a reverse mortgage, you don't actually pay those costs. They just form the first part of the debt you'll be building up against the property, with payment postponed until you move out of your home or die.

Q. Please tell the 66-year-old veteran that the VA, under its IRRL program, refinances with no appraisal, no income verification, no out-of-pocket closing costs and it takes about 30 days to complete. He can definitely lower his interest rate and monthly charges.

When we first looked into this program, we found that some companies in some states did charge the VA funding fees. However, the interest rate reduction more than makes up for this one-time charge. Some lenders pay for all closing costs including the VA funding fee and tax/insurance escrow setup.

A. Thanks for the details. As with any refinance, calculating the savings would take into account the number of years you'd pay on the old loan as compared with the term of the new one.

• Edith Lank will respond to questions sent to her at 240 Hemingway Drive, Rochester, N.Y. 14620 (include a stamped return envelope), or readers may email her through askedith.com.

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