Work Advice: 'Just say it' isn't always easy

Reader 1: A new employee in our school counseling office has a plug-in air freshener that we can smell from the end of the hall. A couple of other counselors also use milder air fresheners. The combination is causing mild headaches, teary eyes and sneezing even for some people who are not usually sensitive or allergic, including students. How do we respectfully and politely address the issue without hurting feelings?

Reader 2: I work in a mid-management role. I don't have any direct reports, but I lead several projects and am responsible for the project team members. My question is about mentoring the younger colleagues. For instance, how do I remind one to use his indoor voice when I can hear him through a closed door and TV? How do I talk to another about dressing professionally for client meetings? How do I advise a third who is constantly complaining that she wants a promotion after only three months? I do well managing the work, but the people I'm not so good at. Talking to our supervisor is not an option -- he's a horrible mentor.

A: The obvious answer to both of you is, "Just say something." Of course, in the workplace minefield of egos and feelings, one misstep can forever alter the interpersonal landscape.

That's not to say you have to huddle quietly in a corner and suffer. At a minimum, you're entitled to speak up when your co-workers' behavior becomes a recurring problem for you. Their willingness to comply with your request depends partly on the leverage you can bring to the discussion -- leverage based not just on personal clout, but also on forces beyond your personal wishes. Consider:

• Does the behavior affect your performance? Others' performance? General office function and camaraderie?

• Has your input been requested?

• Are you responsible for this person as a manager or mentor?

• Is this behavior damaging the co-worker's image? The employer's?

Once you've calculated your leverage, wield it with care:

Examine your motives. You don't have to like everyone, but be honest with yourself about whom you dislike and why.

If it's just one person, keep it brief and bland: "Sorry, could you please lower the volume a bit?"

When it's a group problem, address it as such: "Can we all have a discussion about the use of scented products?"

When it concerns how behavior reflects on the individual or company, focus on the observer(s): "Clients take us more seriously when we dress conservatively."

These tactics are generally effective on the mindful, whatever their sex, age or experience level. For the perpetually or willfully clueless, you may need to apply more leverage or even clout from above: "No one gets promoted after three months. But if you want to start taking on more duties now, it might help me make your case to the boss come promotion time."

• Miller has written for and edited tax publications for 16 years, most recently for the accounting firm KPMG's Washington National Tax office. You can find her on Twitter, @KarlaAtWork.