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posted: 2/21/2014 1:01 AM

Understanding the differences between men and women

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By Annettee Budzban

"Male and female he created them."

-- Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

Why does it, oftentimes, feel like men and women speak a different language?

You say something to your spouse or mate only to get a reply different from what you expected. You start asking yourself, "Am I misunderstanding them, or are they misunderstanding me? Is it their broken heart speaking or mine? How do I discern?"

It may be a little bit of both. That's why the book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" became so popular. It feels as though we're coming from another planet and need some help understanding one another.

When I think about all the mysteries of life, one of them is relationship dynamics between men and women.

Between my first marriage and my second, I've been married a total of 32 years. I've had opportunity to observe and learn from each of my relationships. Each were different and held their own unique set of problems.

By acting in a loving manner we can improve the dynamics of our God-given relationship.

Like most things in life, we enter into men and women encounters with high expectation and little preparation. Even before marriage, many pastors, priests and Godly counsel require marriage preparation classes before they are willing to perform a ceremony.

They hope to teach about some basic principles that will get a couple off to a good start and keep them going through the tough times.

Unfortunately, many couples go to the justice of the peace or cohabitate outside of marriage and don't receive these starting foundational truths. Others who do, dismiss them or never really internalized them to begin with and place them into practice.

Scripture explains God created us man and woman -- two different, distinct beings. Why do we try to relate the same way?

Women were created for love and nurturing. They use this quality to raise a family because they themselves desire to be loved and feel secure. That's why everything they say revolves around feeling loved or secure.

Men desire to be honored or respected. When confronted, they think it means their mate disrespects them. (For us women, we need to be mindful it's in the delivery that counts). However, if the men would listen closely they'd hear the woman's basic desires to be loved or secure being expressed.

Remembering the two sexes think and perceive differently is as the experts say, "Women wear pink hearing aids and men wear blue ones."

There's so much to be said about couples' communication. There's plenty of good Christian books on the market that deal with this topic. The Bible is the greatest book on communication. I enjoy reading and challenging myself to put principles into practice.

Keeping the basics in mind can be the beginning of a new start in the way we relate to our mate.

• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, speaker, life coach and nurse. She is available for speaking to your group or event. She coaches on an individual basis as well. You can contact her at or (847) 543-8413.

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