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updated: 8/15/2013 10:22 PM

Spellman's Scorecard: Offering PGA some sound solutions

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  • It was great to see Jason Dufner finally win a major last weekend in the PGA Championship, but whoever you are in the gallery yelling after every shot these days, it has to stop.

    It was great to see Jason Dufner finally win a major last weekend in the PGA Championship, but whoever you are in the gallery yelling after every shot these days, it has to stop.
    Associated Press


I have nothing against words like Sasquatch or mashed potatoes.

In fact, those probably are two of my favorite things in the world -- and yes, both exist -- but I have a big problem with the dolts behind the ropes shouting those words after Every Single Tee Shot like they did at last weekend's PGA Championship.

It actually reached a point Sunday where right before impact I'd switch away and then switch right back in order to avoid hearing those geniuses at work.

Something has to be done:

But how do you stop the few from ruining the experience of the many?

I have three suggestions:

1. Stop selling alcohol the moment the final group hits the first tee box.

2. Hire the biggest, baddest local bouncers to stand on every tee box and just stare directly at the gallery.

3. Shut off the tee-box microphone for a full second after each drive. By the time it's turned back on, the yelling will be over and all will be right in the world again.


I sound super whiny, don't I? Sorry about that.

How about a couple of good words?

Jason Dufner.

Worth the wait:

Since he lost to Keegan Bradley in a playoff at the PGA a few years back, I've picked Dufner to win in, oh, every single major since … and it finally paid off.

Absolute random thought:

Talking to someone while watching yourself talking to someone … seriously, what's the deal with haircuts?

Mixed emotions:

One minute you're thinking the Bears are going to the Super Bowl, the next you're convinced they'll be no better than a 6-10 team.

Thanks, preseason football!

Stop the presses:

Devin Hester actually returned a kickoff by running north-south.

I know! Me neither!

The wayback machine:

I was listening to some Quarterflash the other day and it got me thinking: How wild was it that Mike Ditka had a coach's show taped in front of an actual studio audience?

It also got me thinking that if Marc Trestman ever got his own TV show, it would involve him sitting at a table answering questions from Charlie Rose.

And, no, I wasn't really listening to Quarterflash.

Kaner & Toews at Arlington:

You didn't think you'd get away with reading a Scorecard that didn't have at least one Blackhawks reference, did you?

Trainer Danny Miller has a pair of 3-year-old horses -- one named Toews, the other Kaner -- who soon will be making their racing debuts at Arlington.

Thought you'd like to know.

But why wait?

The best athletes in the game, an abundance of pageantry, perfect weather, a chance to win some cash … if you miss out on the fun of Million Day at Arlington on Saturday, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Just use the metric system already:

My favorite Million Day number: The American St. Leger race will be run on the grass at the ever-so-common distance of 1 11/16ths miles.

In other words, that's like driving from here to Service Merchandise and back.

Wait. What?

Big mistake:

Track officials opting not to hold their annual Breakfast at Arlington -- Million Week edition -- Friday morning.

Bad, bad call.

That was always one of the highlights of the week.

A final feel-good thought:

When birds decide they're not afraid of us anymore, society as we know it is over.

Have a great weekend!

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