'Stooges' stars 'soitenly' funny, but murder-for-hire plot a comedy killer
Hey, it's better than somebody poking you in the eyes. Most of the time, any way.
The Farrelly brothers' new comedy "The Three Stooges," pays homage to the 200 or so Stooges slapstick shorts (produced by Columbia Pictures between 1934 and 1958) by presenting its story in three episodes that mimic the shorts format.
The casting here is superb:
Glen Ellyn native Sean Hayes captures Larry Fine's Bozo coiffure and nails his droll, clipped delivery.
Chris Diamantopoulos eerily conjures up Moe Howard's pre-Beatles haircut and sourpuss expression.
A crew-cut Will Sasso flawlessly executes Curly Howard's comically antsy physical bits still imitated by kids who aren't even sure who the Three Stooges were.
Reinventing the Stooges as a 2012 feature film takes a lot of raw gumption, and the Farrelly brothers boast a terrific track record for making comedies stuffed with gumption - "There's Something About Mary," "Kingpin," "Dumb & Dumber," plus others.
However, now the Farrellys are reinterpreting comedy legends: Brooklyn-born brothers Moe and Shemp who joined with Larry in 1928 to create one of the most durable comedy acts in American show biz history. (As fans know, Curly later replaced his brother Shemp, who then returned to the act for a while, then was replaced by Joe Besser and by Joe De Rita.)
The Stooges excelled at hard-core slapstick taking the form of precision-timed physical abuse that played like a live-action cartoon.
No matter how many times Moe slapped his buddies around, no matter how many times someone got a hammer to the face, the Stooges possessed a childlike innocence in their seemingly random bumbling.
Not here.
Here, Moe, Larry and Curly agree to murder a man for $830,000 so they can earn money to save the financially strapped Catholic orphanage where they grew up.
The script never says "murder." It lets a hottie named Lydia (Sofia Vergara) talk the Stooges into doing her "dying" husband a favor by bumping him off quickly so "he doesn't see it coming." For an $830,000 fee.
The Stooges set about their job, unaware that Lydia and her lover Mac (Craig Bierko) want her husband Teddy (Kirby Heyborne) dead so they can inherit his fortune.
OK, enough of the plot, which never registered high on the list of necessities for Stooges' shorts anyway.
Hayes, Diamantopoulos and Sasso go about their face-slapping, eye-poking, head-bonking antics with aplomb, and at times, almost match the original Stooges for sustained, meticulously choreographed mayhem.
Tuesday, I sat next to Chicago broadcast legend Mancow Muller, a Stooges fan who told me the Farrelly movie violated one of the classic Stooge rules: They only assault people who assault them first.
During a hospital scene, the Stooges do a real number on an innocent patient. So much for the kinder, gentler Stooges of years gone by.
"The Three Stooges" runs a scant 92 minutes, but its simplistic plot, saccharine schmaltz and cartoon tone would have been better served by tighter editing and an even shorter running time.
A first-class supporting cast - Jane Lynch as Mother Superior, Jennifer Hudson as Sister Rosemary, Brian Doyle-Murray as Monsignor Ratliffe, Larry David as Sister Mary-Mengele - would have been enough backup for this trio.
Nope. The Farrellys throw in the entire cast of "Jersey Shore" as an extra marketing hook, something that in a few short years will instantly render this movie outdated.
(Note to the Farrellys: Is the studio so worried about liability that it forced you to tack on a three-minute disclaimer telling kids not to hit each other with hammers? Explaining how the comic violence is just make-believe not only insults viewers, it sort of sucks the magic out of what few scenes actually worked.)
<b>“The Three Stooges”</b>
★ ★
Starring: Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, Jane Lynch, Chris Diamantopoulos, Jennifer Hudson, Sofia Vergara
Directed by: Bobby Farrelly and Peter Farrelly
Other: A 20th Century Fox release. Rated PG. 92 minutes