Disney's 'John Carter' squanders sense of adventure

There's nothing wrong with the epic science-fiction Mars adventure "John Carter" that can't be fixed with a more talented lead actor, sharper direction, a smarter script, tighter editing and in-focus 3-D cinematography.

Don't be misled by that TV commercial calling "John Carter" the next "Star Wars." If it is, it must be the Jar Jar Binks chapters and not the classic original trilogy.

The lumbering, tedious "John Carter" comes off as a huge disappointment, not just because director Andrew Stanton gave us the brilliant animated sci-fi feature "WALL-E," but also because Edgar Rice Burroughs' century-old literary creation - about a Civil War officer who travels to Mars and falls for a native princess - has directly or indirectly inspired other much better motion pictures, James Cameron's far superior 3-D science-fiction adventure "Avatar" for one. At least its 3-D focus isn't so soft.

Stanton's adventure fizzles on narrative takeoff. In its opening aerial battle sequence, civil war has broken out on the angry red planet with two factions of red Martians locked in combat.

One side belongs to the beguiling Princess Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins with a British accent) of the city of Helium; the other to the power-crazed Sab Than (Dominic West), who possesses a blue, nuclear-lightning bolt glove given to him by the leader (Mark Strong, also with a British accent) of the Therns, robed, shapeshifting monks of anarchy anxious to lay waste to the planet.

Now we go to where "John Carter" should have started, back on Earth in 1881 where a young Edgar Rice Burroughs ("Spy Kids" star Daryl Sabara) receives the diary of his deceased relative John Carter and begins to read about his earlier life, triggering a giant flashback.

Had the movie begun here, we would experience Carter's story as it unfolds through his eyes. Instead, this film sadly lacks any sense of discovery, awe or amazement.

A former Confederate cavalry officer, the rebellious Carter (played by an underwhelming Taylor Kitsch) searches for gold, and instead finds an amulet with the power to teleport him to Mars.

Once on the fourth planet from the sun, Carter makes two amazing discoveries. First, the lighter gravity enables him to leap over the Martian landscape like the incredible Hulk. Second, he befriends desert warriors called the Tharks, tall, green-scaled creatures with four arms played by motion-captured stars Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church and Samantha Morton (none with a British accent).

Sab Than proposes marriage to Dejah so that their peoples can be united.

Dejah wisely rejects this plan, without knowing that Sab Than intends to wipe out her city and take over Mars.

Three writers, including Stanton, scripted "John Carter" with unintentionally funny lines such as "Let them be crushed like unhatched eggs!" and "Of all the Tharks, you're the only one worthy ..."

Crucial to the success of "John Carter" is the casting of Burroughs' beloved title character. Although Kitsch possesses a hero's physique, he comes up woefully short on the mandatory qualities of raw charisma and commanding personality. Kitsch is more like the actor who would be cast in the lower-budget, made-for-TV knock-off of "John Carter."

For comic relief, "John Carter" offers up a lovable canine-like critter called Calot, a slurpy, amorphous creation that travels at the speed of the Roadrunner.

(Special note to parents of small children: Don't be lulled by the familiar Walt Disney logo that once signified safe family entertainment. In this PG-13-rated movie, Carter neatly beheads an alien opponent, and later slices through the belly of a giant "white ape," triumphantly emerging from its backside, covered in white ape "blood." Just so you know.)

Carter, of course, never achieved the popularity of Burroughs' other fictional hero, Tarzan, king of the jungle.

Both Burroughs' heroes are white males who become saviors for the indigenous species of peoples they encounter, much like the hero in "Avatar."

John Carter even has the same initials as Jesus Christ. Burroughs' earthling, however, isn't required to make much of a sacrifice to save his world.

“John Carter”

★ ½

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Dominic West, Thomas Haden Church, Willem Dafoe

Directed by: Andrew Stanton

Other: A Walt Disney Pictures release. Rated PG-13 for violence. 118 minutes