Elder abuse more common than we realize
“Man beats elderly mother” — the headline catches us a bit by surprise.
Or maybe it doesn’t. Violence has become such a part of our culture that even such family violence no longer is very surprising. Husbands hit their wives. Wives hit their husbands. Parents beat their children. Children hit their brothers and sisters. When they get big enough, some children even strike out at their parents. Yet there is something about a grown man or woman striking an elderly parent that shocks us, even if only for a bit.
I guess we all can understand how someone could get so angry that he or she wants to hit another person, but physically attacking an elderly parent who is now weak and defenseless is another thing altogether.
Actually, elder abuse is more common than most of us realize. Few reliable estimates exist; some officials suggest that it is as prevalent as child abuse. Professionals who work with the elderly have come to include a number of conditions under this label: physical abuse, confinement, sexual abuse, deprivation, financial exploitation, neglect, verbal and psychological abuse.
Elder abuse is a family problem. About 61 percent of abusers are spouses or children of the elderly person; an additional 19 percent of abusers are related to the victim in some other way.
More and more American families are facing the dilemma of how to care for increasingly dependent elderly members. The family with two children in college and two elderly parents in nursing homes is not unusual. Many seniors are forced to move into the homes of adult children when there are no viable alternatives.
Most abused seniors suffer from some sort of major health problem, and their increased dependency can create a burden that spouses, children and other involved family members are unable to cope with. Their illnesses also leave them defenseless from a family member’s out-of-control anger.
Our sympathy, then, needs to go out not only to those abused elders, but also to their families. While there is no excuse for physical violence or any other form of abuse in a relationship, we can understand the trauma — emotional, financial, relational — that many families experience when attempting to cope with an increasingly dependent elderly member.
As our attention turns more and more frequently to such family and individual tragedy, our understanding of how it happens, how to deal with it and, hopefully, how to prevent it, will grow.
Ÿ The Rev. Ken Potts’ book “Mix, Don’t Blend: A Guide to Dating, Engagement, and Remarriage with Children” is available through book retailers.