Get ready for a crazy year, baseball fans

Some absolutely correct predictions for the 2010 baseball season:

After six weeks in spring training a White Sox outfielder will miss the cutoff man on Opening Day and a Cubs pitcher will forget to cover first base.

The Cubs will remind Derrek Lee that sometimes a batter who hit under .200 in March hits over. 400 in April.

The Sox won't remind Mark Kotsay that sometimes a batter who hit over .400 in March hits under .200 in April.

The Cubs will contend for the postseason if the NCAA Tournament expands to 96 teams.

The Sox will contend for the postseason if Bobby Jenks' waistline doesn't expand to 96 inches.

Cubs' chairman Tom Ricketts will age 102 years during "Year 1" of owning the club.

Sox' chairman Jerry Reinsdorf will alter his will to exclude Ozzie Guillen's sons Owie, Ouchie and Opie.

Kenny Williams will prohibit the Sox from using Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, YourSpace, OuterSpace, texting, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, head nods and all other forms of social networking.

Williams will relent on signs from the catcher to the pitcher, third-base coach to the batter and grandstand groupies to Gordon Beckham.

The Tyler Colvin statue will put Billy Williams' on hold.

Aramis Ramirez will dive for a line drive and hope his shoulder doesn't land in "The Hurt Locker."

Freddy Garcia will settle into a "Hot Tub Time Machine" and hope he emerges in 2005.

Toyota will recall Kosuke Fukudome after he crashes into the wall, his air bag fails to open and his glove fails to close.

Some of Mark Buehrle's change-ups will go backward.

Lou Piniella will blame a Geovany Soto slump on a lack of body fat.

Ryne Sandberg, M.D., will monitor Piniella's health more closely than the Mayo Clinic could.

Sox doctors will discover new body parts for Carlos Quentin to injure and Alfonso Soriano will be jealous.

Rudy Jaramillo will win the inaugural Rod Marinelli A Player Must Really Stink If He Doesn't Play Better With Me Coaching Him Award.

The Cubs will try to generate revenue by opening a Russian restaurant between the plate and pitcher's mound.

Big Z will be its biggest customer but still behave a couple noodles short of a stroganoff.

The Cubs will be a couple arms short of a bullpen and the Sox a couple sluggers short of a batting order.

Ozzie Guillen will be so confused by his designated hitter rotation that one week it'll include Andruw Jones, Frank Thomas, Mark Kotsay and Harold Baines.

Kevin Millar will return as a Greek priest and Crane Kenney will hire him to perform an exorcism in the Cubs' dugout.

Jake Peavy will be suspended for doctoring the baseball by taking a bite out of it.

Chairman Ricketts will pitch middle relief and chairman Reinsdorf will DH in an episode of "Undercover Boss."

Carlos Marmol will convert half his save chances by June and Jim Hendry will award him with an eight-year, $138 million contract extension.

Milton Bradley will ... well, who knows what he might do all sleepless on coffee in Seattle?

mimrem@dailyherald.com